It has to be done. We have to discuss this. Because OH HOLY HANNAH, PEOPLE! Good garbage!
I had the distinct honor of getting my first post-pregnancy period after just seven weeks (the first six of which I was experiencing lochia). Isn’t that nice? Despite round the clock nursing, there it was, my old friend.
The very best part of the whole thing is that my periods now are nothing at all like my periods before, and I’ve gotten the pleasure of experiencing each way in which my period is different, at different . . . periods. Um.
After the jump, we’re doing this thing!
Before I got pregnant, my periods were this delightful little week of mild bleeding, a few mild pimples, an hour or two of mild cramps. Mild being the operative word. Miiiiild. Oh dear did I have it easy.
Here we go!
SEVEN WEEKS POSTPARTUM: YOU’RE CRAMPIN’ MY STYLE!
At seven weeks postpartum, my period came back. It was a cramp fest, followed by one lousy day of bleeding. Just one! I thought, was that it? Not bad! I mean, the cramps hurt like a mother (hah) but one day of bleeding? Dude. Sign me up.
THREE MONTHS POSTPARTUM: RELEASE THE KRAKEN!
At eleven weeks postpartum I got to experience the wonder of an overly emotional period. Oh dear. For the three days prior, I was a roller coaster of insaneness. I cried. I shouted! I yelled and I threw fits! I was so confused, too, and nearly sure I as going to kill my husband. And then, I started my period. “Ohhh yeah, duh!” I had never experienced anything quite that terrible. (I would continue to experience periods that emotionally distraught for a few months.)
SEVEN MONTHS POSTPARTUM: HOLY BREAKOUTS, BATMAN!
My period around seven months was the very worst, easily. Pimples. Pimples! All over my face! It was the rudest kind of hormonal break out. It hurt to even blink.
EIGHT MONTHS POSTPARTUM: OPEN THE FLOODGATES!
Have you ever filled three super tampons in a matter of hours and felt like possibly passing out all over the place? You probably have, I’m sure, but I had NEVER. Until now. It’s like, “Pass the bacon cheeseburger, mama has some blood loss to make up for!”
If I had it my way, I’d take the . . . well . . . the cramps I guess. Or a do-over and a get break for 5-10 months instead, like most of everyone else seems to get?
How about you guys? How have your periods been after baby? And what menstrual symptom would you say is the worst?