I'm in a Seriously Dirty Relationship

Wool diaper and an amber necklace? Pass the patchouli!

Oh cloth diapers. We were getting along so well. A little stain here, a bit of a leak there, nothing I couldn’t handle. I knew I wanted to get more serious with you but I was nervous, I hope you understand. I mean, it’s one thing, the commitment to you. The financial commitment, the space commitment, the sometimes grody commitment and the laundry commitment. I was good! On all of it! I made room for you in my life and we were getting along so well.

Last night, as you know, I decided to take things a bit further. A little more heavy if you will, and oh how wrong it went.

Not that I’m regretting our relationship, I’m not going to give up on you if you don’t give up on me. Last night (well, this morning) was what I call a ‘DTR’ or ‘determine the relationship.’ The last one I had was with my best friend when I asked her to never use the bathroom in front of me. These little things are what can make or break a relationship. Last night I decided to try a fitted with a wool cover. You see, that baby, she pees like it’s her job and we were using disposables at night until she began peeing through those for the last four nights.

Talk about a laundry commitment.

I turned to you in my moment of need. Sure, she looked a little funny, bulky even. She had a hard time rolling over but that baby had 6 layers of hemp and two layers of organic cotton between her and her bedsheets plus a freshly lanolized wool cover, surely even I couldn’t pee through that, even after drinking my daily allowance of water. The good news is that it didn’t leak, pee at least.


I mean, it wasn’t really your fault, that was a lot of poo to handle. It was your first time. I remember my first time, it’s a learning experience, who knew it could be so messy?

I remember in all my research about you reading about washing poo out of wool covers, I think I stuck my fingers in my ears, closed my eyes and said “LA LA LA THAT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME!”

Wouldn’t you know, google had to teach me how to get poo out of wool this morning.

We’re back to good, the damage has been cleaned, the baby has been freshened and you’re over there drying, in all of your high maintenance wooliness.

I was pretty sure nothing could get more gross today after surviving such a thing (I HAD TO TOUCH IT, IT HAD TOMATO SEEDS AND GREEN BEANS IN IT) until I looked in the mirror.

I had poop. On my neck.

If we can’t make it through this my dear cloth diaper, we were never meant to be.

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