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This Cleanse Requires You to Eat Nothing But Donuts

Image Source: Thinkstock
Image Source: Thinkstock

By now, you’ve probably heard of the Taco Cleanse. If you haven’t, let me save you 30 seconds of research by telling you the name pretty much says it all. You eat tacos. Just tacos. All day long.

Which got me thinking — if it can work with tacos, what else can it work with? How about nature’s most perfect of all foods, the centerpiece of your kids’ soccer games, the very circle of nutrition — the donut! Well my friends, I’m here to tell you that you can eat donuts all day.

You’ll find after just one day of the Donut Cleanse that you’ve saved money on grocery bills, countless time in the kitchen, and will barely even need to wash a single dish. But the real test is: how do you feel? Well, not great. But hey, at least you got to eat donuts!

Here’s a basic outline to get you started.

7 AM — Good morning, sunshine! It’s time for a healthy, donut-based breakfast. To start your cleanse off right, reach for an apple fritter. You probably are getting at least a teaspoon of apple in there, so, you know. Healthy! Round it out with a maple bacon bar. It has two benefits. First, the bacon gives you a quick hit of protein, which primes your metabolism for the rest of the day. Second, remember that maple cayenne pepper cleanse? So yeah, that must mean maple is cleansing.

10 AM — When cleansing, it’s important not to let too much time pass between meals. Most nutritionists recommend eating small meals every three to four hours to make sure that your body’s metabolism is firing on all cylinders. So, to stay healthy, reach for a chocolate glazed. In addition to keeping up your metabolism, it will also give your body the extra benefit of some antioxidant-infused chocolate.

12:30 PM — Lunch time! Who’s ready for a donut? For some, the smell of donut starts to make you slightly nauseous by this point in the diet. That’s totally normal. Try to work through it with this donut version of the classic PB&J. Slice a jelly-filled donut in half, this will act as the bread. Stick a chocolate-frosted donut sprinkled with peanuts in between the two halves. Close your eyes and take a big bite. It will bring back memories of childhood while fueling you up for the rest of your cleanse.

3 PM — For your second snack (remember, metabolism!), go for a fruit salad. Finely chop one strawberry-frosted donut and one blueberry cake donut. Combine in a bowl. Eat with a fork or with your fingers. If you’re feeling really virtuous, you can add in a donut with sprinkles. They’re basically like fruit — because of their color and sweetness.

6:30 PM — Go European and start your dinner with the equivalent of a cheese plate by reaching for a Boston cream. Sure, it’s not exactly cheese, but it’s dairy. Or it’s probably dairy. Or at least, the name evokes dairy. In any event, the cheese plate will dull your appetite a bit so you don’t overindulge too much on the main course. I recommend going paleo for dinner by grabbing a bear claw. Sure, it’s not actually meat, but it sounds like maybe it could be.

After just one day of donut cleansing, you’ll find your sugar cravings have practically vanished. You probably won’t even want dessert after dinner! Other benefits may include falling asleep really, really quickly — almost like crashing, as well as intense cravings for vegetables.

Article Posted 1 year Ago

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