It’s March and spring is almost here which means we are all twitter pated (tell me I’m not the only one!). We make plans with our special someone, get all gussied up for a night on the town and then it hits us. You know that ‘oh, why did I eat my kids discarded broccoli with a hamburger today?’. Then you gotta let that stinky one escape and all hope for a romantic night is gone and you are left talking about poop and farts or the regular parent/child dialog. I’m here to help you avoid those date night gas attacks so keep reading for the low down…
image credit: Giant Bomb
We all react to food differently and you might want to start paying attention to what triggers the SBD’s in you life. Is it dairy? Or all those raw veggies?
Artificial Sweeteners 1 of 12There goes the diet. Artificial sweeteners and very difficult for the body to digest and anything that's hard to digest gives you gas.
Image credit Natalie Duhamel
Beans, Baked, Or Any Variety 2 of 12This right here is a disaster waiting to happen, I mean there's even a song about beans being the musical fruit (and no they don't sing). Beans contain a sugar called affinose that's difficult to digest. Help reduce the gas in your bean by making from scratch and letting dry beans soak overnight, then cook in new water.
Image credit The Fat loss Authority
Melons 3 of 12Try to resist eating melons until a Saturday when you know you'll be at the park with the kids and there will be a slight breeze (make sure the hub is upwind!). Fruits domain fructose which can be hard on the digestive system.
Image credit Melissas
Fatty Meats 4 of 12Do you see that? That low grade meat is gonna do something dirty to your night. Beware of the fatty meats. They take longer to digest giving all the bacteria in the intestine ample time to create the obnoxious burger farts.
Image credit Marions Kochbuch
Broccoli, Cauliflower, Cabbage, Brussel Sprouts 5 of 12These veggies are nearly impossible to digest, leaving them to ferment in your body, as in rot, creating those SBD's. They contain the same type of sugar as beans (yikes). Your best bet is to eat them cooked.
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Bananas 6 of 12Bananas are bad for date night because they have lots of fiber and where's there's fiber, there's farts. Bananas are a perfect afternoon snack…when it's boy night out and you are at home with the kids having fart wars.
Image credit Watch People Jump
Carbonated Beverage 7 of 12I'm a sucker for carbonated drinks and diet carbonated is like a double whammy, then if you drink it through a straw, forget it. You are swallowing air AND drinking something your body has a hard time digesting. You may burn a hole in your office chair.
Image credit Biology Block
Fried Foods 8 of 12You know you need to avoid fried foods anyway, so you might as well add one more reason not to grease it up.
Image credit The Republika
Onion 9 of 12Onions have fructose which is a digestive stinker. Order that salad with no onion or the sheets will be floating later.
Image credit Speedy Remedies
Hummus 10 of 12I know what you are thinking â€˜I'll have some protein for my snack this after noon". Here's what you are going to have…a whole lot of cheek lifting to sneak those stinkers out. Beans are the culprit here.
Image credit Chocolate And Zucchini
Chewing Gum 11 of 12Chewing gum creates more saliva in your mouth mixed with air, so you swallow more air, which is going to have to escape at some point. Chewing gum with artificial sweetener is only going to make it worse.
Image credit ZME Science
Beano 12 of 12If you just can't resist fart inducing foods, then you may want to invest in some beano (your spouse will thank you).
Image credit From The Mixed Up Files Of Jennifer Bertman
Other foods to avoid: Cucumbers, prunes, whole grains and fiber rich foods, corn, green peppers, pastries, gravy, dairy products (for some people), bran foods and soybeans.
Whatever you eat before your big date, make sure it’s NOT a hamburger veggie salad with baked bean fries and a glass of diet soda with a straw, followed by bananas and apples with some gum to freshen things up post meal. You may end up exploding during your date.
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