This post was NOT paid for by the lovely people at Cheez-It®. If they, however, would like to toss some money at the author, she would be much obliged.
I have had two great loves in my life — and one of them is cheese.
Melt it on bread, pair it with a cracker, heck, slice it up and eat it on its own — you cannot go wrong when it comes to the aged good stuff. I may be no connoisseur, but I do consider myself to be pretty experienced in this field.
It’s hardly surprising, of course. I come from a long line of cheese-lovers. No, really. My family is from Parma, Italy. As in, the birthplace of the great and holy gift that is Parmesan cheese. Growing up, we put Parmesan cheese on everything. Like the Greeks and their Windex, Parmesan is thought to be a makes-everything-better cure-all, meant to be ingested in bulk. Just a sprinkle and suddenly all is right in the world.
Anyways, I know that I am not alone in my obsession. And since it is National Cheese Lover’s Day and this is a safe space — or at least I hope it is — I asked my friends to share their weirdest cheese confessions.
So what do you say? You ready to get real weird? Because I am. Heck, I’ll even go first. Because I clearly haven’t shared enough.
“Growing up, I felt so bad that my dog was expected to eat the same old meal, day after day, that I would sprinkle Parmesan cheese over her kibble. I mean, what kind of life is a life without cheese?! I’m sure Abigail Elizabeth (may she RIP) would agree with me.” — Amy S.
“I own — and frequently wear with pride in the office — this Cheez-It® Snuggie.” — Megan S.
“I’ve inherited a weird Parmesan addiction from my parents. I can even eat it by itself, with a spoon, but only if it’s grated or shredded. My son started doing the same, so I guess the family tradition will live on.” — Jeannette K.
“The only staple I have in my house is boxed macaroni and cheese. And the only recipe I have perfected as an adult is yes, homemade macaroni and cheese. I figure it’s all I really need to know.” — Heather N.
“My son loves Parmesan cheese so much that when he was a toddler, he would eat it straight from the carton with a spoon.” — Jen S.
“I once published an article on relationship deal-breakers in which I wrote, ‘I refuse to engage in sexual acts with someone who doesn’t like cheese. Are you a Russian spy? HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE CHEESE? You better be lactose intolerant or else we have a problem.'” — Monica B.
“I have a few. My last name basically means ‘cheese lover.’ It loosely translates to ‘cowboy’ AKA ‘dairy person’ AKA ‘cheese maker/lover.’ Not only that, but my husband and I have a membership to a Cheese of the Month Club. We also own not one, but two fondue pots. Just in case the first can’t handle the amount of cheese that we need. Oh, and my mom brought a cheese catalogue on her holiday visit and told my husband to ‘take his pick’ for his Christmas present. #CHEESE4LIFE.” — Katie R.
“I once went on a gluten-free diet which entailed eating a cheese quesadilla with corn tortillas for dinner nearly every night because I knew it was gluten-free and it had cheese, so of course it was delicious.” — Robin C.
“I am dating a Frenchie solely for his proximity to good cheese.” — Shelby C.
“I am pretending to be French solely because this girl I’m dating is really into cheese.” — Reece K.
“In middle school I wasn’t allowed to watch TV so I would rush home and watch Gilmore Girls before my mom came home. I would have to watch on the cold basement floor so she wouldn’t catch me from the windows when she drove up. One day I brought with me an unopened brick of Kraft extra sharp cheddar and somehow scarfed down two-thirds of it within 10 minutes. Before I knew it, I heard my mom come in. I was so embarrassed about the amount of cheese I’d eaten I decided to polish off the rest before heading upstairs. The best part was that my parents didn’t noticed because we literally had a shelf of cheese in our fridge. It remains stocked to this day.” — Susie K.
“Apparently, I was quite the Cheez-It®-aholic as a baby. My mom always tells the story of how when I was like one years old, I was chilling in my high chair with a tray full of Cheez-It® and she happened to mindlessly take one and eat it. Baby Chauntel was not amused. She claims I balled my little fists together and started shaking in anger that she would dare eat one of my beloved crackers. Then, with my face turning red in fury, I proceeded to shove every.single.remaining Cheez-It® in my cheeks like a deranged chipmunk before she could take another one. Moral of the story? Don’t take my food, especially when cheese is involved.” — Chaunie B.
“I may or may not steal the office stash of free Cheez-It® and hoard them in my desk drawer.” — Babble employee who wishes to remain anonymous even though we all know who she is and where she sleeps at night.More On