We’ve all been there — our kid comes home with the dreaded lice letter. You know how it goes: “I’m writing to alert you there’s been a confirmed case of lice in your child’s classroom.”
Just no. Nope. Can’t deal.
OK, the good news: Your kid is not the confirmed case. But you know how fast and easily lice spread. Cue: itching, squirming, and seven other things every parent does when we get the lice letter from school.
1. We demand our child showers even though he doesn’t have lice.
Then we lather his head with white conditioner and meticulously comb out nothing because … our kid doesn’t have lice … and we are just beyond paranoid.
2. We strip the beds and wash the sheets on hot with double detergent — twice.
Yes, we did this even though lice can’t live on bedding, because duh, we Googled it. Trust no one, not even the Internet.
3. We grease our kid’s head up with products to make his hair smell and look dirty.
You know, because Google says lice hate dirty, stinky hair. We hit up everything from rosemary oil and hair gel, to sprays boasting lice-repelling powers and dad’s overbearing cologne. Our kid goes to school smelling like a hair salon with some funky Zack Morris-looking hair.
4. For the next week, we examine our kid’s head with a fine tooth comb and magnifying glass 47 times a day.
We do the same with a flashlight when he’s sleeping. You say creepy, I say proactive.
5. When our kid scratches his head, we douse him with conditioner and baking soda and wrap his head in plastic wrap to suffocate the lice.
Oh, you only had an itch? Better safe than sorry.
6. We threaten our son with a buzz-cut if he doesn’t let us douse him with lice-repel spray in the drop-off line.
Our daughter runs for the hills.
7. We visit our salon for a (*wink-wink*) blowout because if we have lice, our hairdresser will find it.
Cruel? Never. I mean, who else is supposed to check our head?More On