11 Dumb Things I’ve Done to Incur the Wrath of My Wife

As I sat on the couch the other night convincing myself that my wife had not grounded me from video games, I started to think about all the times that I’ve made her angry and what I did to cause that anger. Well, I’ve done some dumb things and we’ve had many fights over the years and some of those fights have been over some pretty stupid things. In fact, if my memory were better, I guarantee I could come up with hundreds of dumb things I’ve done to incur the wrath of my wife — like telling her that the reason that she has a big neck is because her head is so large. (Her head is not large and what I really meant was that the human head is just naturally heavy.)

I’ve decided to list 11 dumb things that I’ve done to incur the wrath of my wife for everyone to read. May you avoid my mistakes:

  • 11 Things I’ve Done to Incur the Wrath of My Wife 1 of 12

    They were not very smart. 

  • I Suggested That She Skimp On Her Pregnancy Cravings 2 of 12

     I've learned the hard way when it comes to making stupid, ill-timed accusations to a pregnant woman. For some reason, I thought a pregnant Casey was out buying lots of name brand crackers and food when she should have been saving as many pennies as possible. I confronted her about the name brand food in the middle of the day. I ended up standing in the middle of the kitchen like an idiot while my wife threw box after box of generic branded crackers at me.

  • I Used The Phrase "Pecuniary Interest" 3 of 12

    Law school changed our relationships and the way that we argue. Casey has pretty much given up on the arguments, but before she did, we had an argument that seemed pretty standard and mellow when all of the sudden she went into a fit of anger. What caused this anger? I used the words "pecuniary interest" in an argument and that sent her over the edge. She'd had it with my law school-ish arguments and throwing those two words into the fight was too much for her to handle.

  • I Ruined Her Favorite Wool Sweater 4 of 12

    Prior to getting married, I had never done anyone else's laundry. I had only done my own. Early in our marriage, I gathered a basket full of laundry and I dumped it into the washer while Casey was gone. When the washer was done, I put the batch of clothes into the dryer. An hour later when Casey got home and pulled out one of her favorite wool sweaters from the dryer, which had been shrunk down about 5 sizes. She got angry. Very angry. She was so angry that she left the house and went to her sister's house. Her sister had to calm her down and explain that living with someone means that these types of events are bound to happen from time to time.

  • I Didn’t Get Her Ice Cream 5 of 12

    I have no idea what I did to bring about Casey's wrath on this one, but she was very angry. A pregnant Casey and I were going to head to a nearby ice cream store. It was about 85 degrees outside and so when I climbed into the car, I turned on the air conditioner. Casey flew off the handle and shut off the air conditioner and told me to roll my window down, which I did. We arrived at the ice cream store and saw that there was a line out the door. Casey demanded to be taken home and later that night, my very angry wife put my toothbrush in the toilet.

  • I Forgot To Phone Home 6 of 12

    This one time I was running 18 miles and my wife got really mad at me when I got home. Okay, I kid, I kid. I should probably add another dumb thing I've done to this list. After running my 18 miles in the cold on a dark trail where people get murdered sometimes, I didn't call my wife to tell her I was okay. Instead, I headed to the gym for a while. When I got home, she was so angry that she grounded me from video games and gave me a 45 minute lecture. Oh, and she called me some pretty choice names in a few text messages and on Twitter.

  • I Bought A Motorcycle (Without Consulting The Boss) 7 of 12

    I woke up one morning after my wife had already left for work, went out, borrowed a few thousand dollars, and bought a motorcycle.  The decision to borrow a few thousand dollars and buy the motorcycle was made in the course of about 20 minutes. All 20 of those minutes happened after my wife went to work. When she got home and discovered that I bought a motorcycle without talking to her she was, uh, pretty upset.

  • I Own A Truck 8 of 12

    I really don't understand why my wife hates my truck so much, but she does. This truck that sits out in my driveway that was my high school dream truck and our wedding gift has caused many, many fights. Just the mention of fixing the brakes on my truck a few months ago caused my wife's wrath to bubble to the surface.

  • I Took Our Daughter To The Hospital… And Didn’t Let Her Know 9 of 12

    I once thought I was doing a fantastic job as a parent when I rushed Addie to the urgent care facility to have her Nurse Maid's Elbow fixed. I was later informed, in a very angry voice, that I couldn't do that ever again. I unknowingly left my laptop open with the Google search of "nearest hospital" for Casey to find when she got home and discovered Addie and I were nowhere to be found. She couldn't find any other notes or hints of what happened, and I didn't own a cellphone at the time. I really struggle with this "keeping my wife informed" stuff.

  • I Told My Buddy… But Not My Wife (And She Found Out) 10 of 12

    Back to the running 18 miles. My wife was furious at me on a Monday evening. She learned on Thursday afternoon that although I didn't call or text her to let her know I was okay, I did text one of my running friends to let him know I was okay once my run was over. Big mistake on my part.

  • I Disrespected Her Work Space 11 of 12

    On one of Casey's trips to New York City, she invited me to come to New York with her. I took a different flight into the city and I arrived quite a bit later than her. Once I showed up, I found the hotel room, took off my shoes, and put my suitcase on the floor just as I had done at every other hotel that we'd ever stayed in. Turns out Casey viewed that hotel as a work hotel and I was just a guest. By taking my shoes off and leaving my suitcase on the floor, I was overstepping my bounds. She was so angry that I actually contacted a few friends in New York to see if I could stay with them that weekend instead.

  • I Didn’t Check My Messages 12 of 12

    After Casey and I had made up from our shaky start in New York City, we went about our weekend the way that we had planned. Casey did her work thing and I headed off into the city. Back then I didn't have a cellphone, but Casey did. On the last night of the trip, she told me her group was going to be having dinner and that I should be back to the hotel around a certain time. I made it back to the hotel on time and then I waited, and waited, and waited. Nobody showed up, so I went around the corner and picked up a pizza and headed back up to the room. Eventually Casey showed up furious with me. She had left a message somewhere or with someone that I was supposed to meet her and her group at a nearby restaurant, but for whatever reason I never got the message. Anyway, we ended up ending our New York City trip the same we started it — ANGRY.

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