Walmart is Called “Daddy’s Store” and 10 Other Things My Kids Believe Are True

My kids have misconceptions about parenting and about life in general, and I find myself arguing with them constantly about them. Not so surprisingly, I had a lot of those same misconceptions when I was a kid. For instance, I thought that I would one day be a millionaire. While I haven’t heard Addie profess herself to be a future millionaire, I have heard her proclamations about why it is in unfair for her to have to clean the living room or her bedroom, and that she should be able to go to a park 365 days of year without proper shoes or clothing attire. Meanwhile, Vivi strongly believes that frozen waffles should be eaten at all times of the day and that snacks fall out of the sky.

While I wouldn’t want to take away a child’s dreams of becoming a millionaire, there are some things I have to give them reality checks about. Going barefoot in public parks isn’t always a great idea, and I don’t think snacks have fallen out of the sky since the book of Exodus. Here are some others of their fundamentally backwards beliefs that I have tried, without success, to correct them about:

  • Walmart is also called "Daddy’s Store" 1 of 11
    This Wal-mart sells paddleboats!

    My kids, Addie especially, believe that everything can be bought at Walmart. Need a new car? Hey why don't we head to Walmart. How about some new furniture for the loft? Walmart has that stuff doesn't it? Addie may forever believe that Walmart carries everything we'll ever need in our lives, but at least Vivi has figured out that it's not a store that has things Casey wants. No, Vivi calls Walmart, "Daddy's store." I'm not sure if I should be happy about that label or not.

    Photo Credit: Flickr

  • Drive Thru 2 of 11

    Addie has said on more than one occasion that she wants to grow up to be a drive through window operator. No offense to those people who do operate a drive through window, but I wouldn't be too excited if I had to operate a drive through window as my career. Not necessarily because I have anything against drive through windows or fast food, but the pay is ridiculously terrible and dealing with the people — phew, too much for me. Hopefully my kids break through that misconception and pick careers they'll enjoy, and if that happens to be drive through window operator, I'll support them — and ask for free fries and a cheeseburger at least once per week.

    Photo Credit: Flickr

  • That I Live in Their House 3 of 11

    I'm not sure why my kids think I'm basically a guest here, but they do. Addie has a room, Vivi has a room, Casey has a room, and the cats have their room. Me? According to Vivi my room is my pillow. Everything surrounding my pillow, including the bed, is Casey's room. I also don't have a bathroom or any furniture. I live here at the sole discretion of Casey and nothing more. The two words that will never be uttered in this house in this order are, "Daddy's room."

  • Ice Cream Is an Acceptable Breakfast, Lunch, or Dinner 4 of 11

    I've been asked for ice cream at 10:15 in the morning and again at 11:45 in the morning, only to be followed by requests at 2:11 p.m. and 6:30 p.m. Addie would eat ice cream at every meal and for every snack if we let her. She gets so disappointed when we say no, and considering the number of times she asks for ice cream, she's disappointed a lot. What probably disappoints her the most is that she doesn't understand why she can't have ice cream whenever she wants. In her mind ice cream is a healthy dairy product that can be eaten at all hours of the day and night.

  • That Commercials are Optional 5 of 11

    When I was a kid we had four channels and two of those channels were blurry. If we wanted to change the channel we had to get up and manually turn the knob. Commercials in our minds were like death and taxes — there's no way to get away from them. Addie and Vivi believe commercials are optional. Both of them have been spoiled with the blessings of a DVR that prevents them from having to suffer through commercials, so when we get stuck watching a show live as it airs they both get furious at me when I won't hit the fast forward button.

    Photo Credit: Flickr

  • That I’m Either at Work or at Home 6 of 11

    Vivi has developed the misconception that if I'm not at work I'm at home, and if I'm not at home I'm at work. There is no in between and no other possibilities. Whenever I get ready to go anywhere, even if it is for a date with Casey in the evening close to Vivi's bedtime, in her mind I'm getting ready to go back to work. Though, sometimes it feels like she's right.

  • That Mommy Brings Home the Bacon While My Being a Lawyer is Purely for Fun 7 of 11

    When it comes to who makes money in this family and who is responsible for making sure that these kids have a place to stay, in Addie's mind Casey is the one who brings home the bacon. I go to work for fun and don't get paid. Whereas, Casey gets paid to blog and she's the one who pays all the bills and makes sure Addie gets to do gymnastics. Casey does contribute towards the bills in this house, but I'm certainly not working for kicks and giggles.

  • That Their Bedtime is Also Our Bedtime 8 of 11

    Addie is starting to figure this one out, but for a long time both our kids believed that after we tucked them in for the night we headed to bed ourselves. Sometimes I wish. Instead of getting to go to bed at a decent hour, we both spend about an hour or two after the kids go to bed doing some form of work. I'd like to travel back in time and kick past-Cody in the butt for wishing he was already a grown-up.

  • Everyone Older Than Us Are Their Grandparents 9 of 11

    Addie and Vivi both believe anyone who looks older than Casey and me must be their grandparents. 

  • That We Have Tunnel Vision 10 of 11

    Addie and Vivi must believe that Casey and I have tunnel vision when it comes to checking off on their chores. I have never went into a room that was assigned to be cleaned by Addie and not said, "What's all that crap doing under there?" Addie doesn't even bother stuffing the crap deep under the couches and under the beds so that it is at least difficult for us to see on a cursory glance. No, that kid will leave crap halfway under the couches or bed and halfway out in plain sight. Then she'll pretend she doesn't know what I'm talking about when I tell her she's not done.

  • That We Know What We’re Doing 11 of 11

    Addie and Vivi also think that we know what we're doing when it comes to this parenting thing. They both act shocked when we don't know the answers to their questions, and I'm sure in their mind they believe we know everything there is to know about being parents. What they don't understand is that we're learning on the fly and they're our little guinea pigs.  

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