20 Toys Children Won’t See This Christmas PART 1

Every Christmas is seems there are more and more toys for children to ask for. When I was a kid, it was all Lincoln Logs and Tinker Toys. Now everything needs batteries or requires some sort of Internet hook up. What’s more, toy makers think they need to tie children’s play things into social issues and current event. What happened to using your imagination and just being a kid? Good grief, Charlie Brown.

All that aside, there are 20 toys out there that I’m fairly certain kids won’t find under their trees this Christmas. Here are the first 10. Tune in tomorrow for the remaining 10.


  • 1. Mommy Blogger Barbie 1 of 10
    1. Mommy Blogger Barbie
    Comes with an assortment of consumer goods that Barbie writes reviews on a pink laptop computer while wearing high heels and glittery sweatpants. Kids can also logon to the official website to read her posts, and then enter a code in the comments for a chance to win various Barbie product giveaways. Barbie children are sold separately.
  • 2. Prostate Cancer Ken Doll 2 of 10
    2. Prostate Cancer Ken Doll
    Barbie's boyfriend is 50 this year, and he's sending a serious message about what happens if you don't get your prostate checked regularly. Ken's storied anatomical features have been redone by the manufactures so children understand where the prostate is located. The doll also comes with a blue wristband that kids can wear to show their support for Ken's recovery. Get the Barbie Cancer Treatment Center and watch Ken's skin turn white and hair fall out as he goes through chemo.
  • 3. Potty Train My Child Elmo 3 of 10
    3. Potty Train My Child Elmo
    Finally, Sesame Street comes up with a useful Elmo doll! Parents place this battery-operated version (there's already a plush version) in the bathroom where it encourages children to copy his moves as he climbs onto an included toy potty. Elmo then runs through a cycle of encouraging phrases. If the child's not following along after 15 minutes, though, Elmo blurts out, "What's wrong with you? Do you want to wear a diaper when you're 10?" and then turns itself off until the child's ready again.
  • 4. The Donald Trump Monopoly Board Game 4 of 10
    4. The Donald Trump Monopoly Board Game
    It's not the popular car token that players try to grab at the start of the game, but rather a golden likeness of The Donald's hair. The object of the game remains the same in this latest reboot, except that in order to win, a player has to go bankrupt at least once, and the cards contain things like, "You win a million dollars after controversial contestant wins beauty pageant!" and "Attorney's find tax loophole in your favor, collect $10,000 from each player." Also, the "Go-to-Jail" space now says, "You're Fired!" Landing on it puts you out of the game forever.
  • 5. Xbox 360s “Call of Duty: Operation Room Clean” 5 of 10
    5. Xbox 360s "Call of Duty: Operation Room Clean"
    A huge hit with parents, this hot new game requires the Xbox Kinect accessory that you set up in a child's bedroom. The screen then mimics children's movements and awards them points for every item they pick up off the floor. If they beat the time limit they qualify for bonuses that unlock other levels where they make their bed and put away laundry.
  • 6. Lady Gaga American Girl Doll 6 of 10
    6. Lady Gaga American Girl Doll
    In keeping with the idea of promoting positive messages to young girls, Lady Gaga's backstory focuses on the serious themes of anti-bullying and self-acceptance, but by far the best feature of this latest in the American Girl line is the outfits—a to-scale pair of Alexander McQueen's 10-inch stilettos, a red leather, head-to-toe body suit with matching crown, and an evening gown made from little bits of Oscar Meyers deli-select ham.
  • 7. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Lil Jihad Chemistry Set 7 of 10
    7. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Lil Jihad Chemistry Set
    Looking for a gift that encourages the budding young scientist in your home? Then this case full of beakers, assorted chemical compounds, and a Bunsen burner is perfect for them to develop their very own weapons of mass destruction. Take advantage of free shipping straight from Tehran—just ignore the white powder leaking from the package when it arrives.
  • 8. Jersey Shore Slime 8 of 10
    8. Jersey Shore Slime
    A can of sticky, green goo that's utterly gross and pointless, yet it's wildly popular. The warning label says it's not meant for human consumption, and people should wash their hands thoroughly after coming into contact with it.
  • 9. Newt Gingrich See-N-Say 9 of 10
    9. Newt Gingrich See-N-Say
    This timeless classic has been revived specifically for the 2012 Presidential Election. Simply pull the string, watch the arrow spin around until it stops on a hot-button issue, and then repeat whatever Newt's voice says. "Inner-city kids are lazy!" There, now you say it.
  • 10. Conrad Murray Doctors Kit 10 of 10
    10. Conrad Murray Doctors Kit
    Kids can pretend to be a licensed medical professional using the supplies found inside which include a toy syringe, two IV bags, several fake pill bottles, and a prescription pad. There's also an official website where kids use a code to register for their very own patient that they have to give meds to every day or the patient will die. But don't worry, kids get one chance to revive their cyber-patient by winning a game that mimics doing CPR.


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