7 Cooking Mistakes I’ve Made That Nearly Cost Me My Life

Cooking isn’t really my thing, but I do like to make a meal occasionally and sometimes the stuff that I cook turns out alright. Other times, they go very wrong. Last weekend, I decided to make some caramel popcorn, and I used a recipe that involved sweet and condensed milk an ingredient that nearly cost me my eyesight when I was a teenager.

How many other people out there can look at a can of sweet and condensed milk and have bad close-call memories surface to the forefront of their minds? How many people cringe at the thought of lighting a barbecue? (Okay well, that number is probably pretty high.) How many people can remember a particularly bad stomach ache when they see an expiration date on a food product?

I would be included in all of those categories.

There have been quite a few close calls where cooking mistakes have nearly cost me my life, or at least left me in very poor condition.

Here are 7, for your amusement:

  • 7 Cooking Mistakes I’ve Made that Nearly Cost Me My Life 1 of 8

    Click through to read about the hazards that I have endured...

  • The Time That The Pressure Cooker Almost Took My Head Off 2 of 8

    When Addie was just a year old or so, I decided to make some mashed potatoes using a pressure cooker. Once the potatoes were finished cooking, I forced the lid on the pressure cooker to open before the pot had cooled off enough. And by open, I mean that the pressure cooker lid shot up through the ceiling splashing mashed potatoes all over the kitchen. I was lucky that my head wasn't over that lid.

    Photo Credit: Dinner Series

  • The Time That I Was Burned By A Can Of Sweet and Condensed Milk 3 of 8

    When I was in junior high, one of my teachers explained how we could make caramel by boiling a can of sweet and condensed milk. Being a big fan of caramel, I put a can of sweet and condensed milk into boiling water and waited the requisite amount of time. After the timer rang, I pulled the can out of the boiling water and immediately tried to open the can. A stream of boiling hot caramel shot out of the hole and sprayed all over my face. Yep, that one hurt.

    Photo Credit: Joyosity

  • The Time That Lighting the Barbeque Singed Off My Eyebrows 4 of 8

    Lighting the barbecue when I was growing up was always taking a step towards death. The lighting mechanism was broken, so I had to hold a match in one of the holes at the bottom of the barbecue after turning the propane on, which placed my head about 6 inches from the barbecue. Sometimes it took a while for the propane to make its way over to that hole and too much of it built up in the barbecue before it reached the match. One time so much propane built up that the lid to the barbecue was blown open by a fire blast, and that was the same fire blast that shot out and singed quite a bit of the hair on my head and my eyebrows. 

    Photo Credit: Liz West

  • The Time That Cutting the Cheese Almost Cost Me A Finger 5 of 8

    My wife is constantly telling me to cut cheese on a cutting board, and I used to ignore her instructions until life taught me the real reason cutting boards were invented. I was holding cheese in one hand and using an old big rusty knife to cut slices while pushing the knife away from my body, but towards my finger. The knife slipped out of the cheese and sliced into my finger all the way to the bone.

    Photo Credit: Jacob Enos

  • The Time I Learned The Hard Way About Eggs and Expiration Dates 6 of 8

    Nobody ever taught me about what the expiration dates on food means. Does it mean the food must be used by that date or you'll die, or does it mean the food should be sold by that date? When I was living on my own for the first time I didn't know — I just assumed everything had to be eaten by that expiration date or I'd die. I had purchased a few 18 packs of eggs and the expiration date on one of the unused packages came around. Instead of throwing the eggs away, I cooked all 18 of them. And then I ate them. I don't know what went on in my body from eating those 18 eggs in one sitting, but I still feel bad for my roommate because what came out a few hours later was not good.

    Photo Credit: George M. Groutas

  • The Time That There Was Steak, Steak, and More Steak 7 of 8

    I didn't actually cook anything for this one, but it involves food and I've never recovered from the event. A few friends and I went to a Ponderosa Steakhouse where we were told by the waitress that the record for most steak eaten in one sitting by one guest was 66 ounces. "Pffft," I said. I ate a plate of salad, a plate of shrimp, and 96 ounces of steak in one sitting. The consequences? My stomach can no longer handle red meat. I eat more than a few bites of red meat in one sitting and I'm guaranteed to get sick within the hour. I'm pretty sure Karma has something to do with that.

    Photo Credit: Chris Schlosser

  • The Time That A Grill Fire Almost Burned The House Down 8 of 8

    I got a nice shiny new barbecue for Father's Day about 5 years ago, and it was fantastic for its first year of use. It's second year of use didn't really happen. At some point over the winter, an animal had crawled into the barbecue and had pulled grease from the grease trap and smeared it all over the inside of the grill. I wasn't aware that it had happened, so I lit the barbecue and went inside to get the food that we were going to cook. I came back outside to see my barbecue completely engulfed in flames from a grease fire. The fire was so hot it melted the siding on my house and I rushed to grab as many boxes of baking soda as I could, in order to put the fire out before the propane tank exploded. The end result? Siding that needed to be replaced and a barbecue that basically burned to the ground.

    Photo Credit: Tanjila Ahmed

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