People who don’t believe in Santa Claus are starting to piss me off.
I mean, what gives, you guys?
Do you seriously refuse to believe that there is even a remote possibility that a robust, ageless, elfin-man with super magical powers and the ability to travel at the speed of light to deliver happiness to the children of the world exists?
I don’t get the whole ‘skeptical’ thing here.
What exactly is so hard to fathom about deer that fly anyway?
You think elves are something someone just happened to make up?
God, you’re jaded.
To each his own.
In my mind though, no matter how bad you have messed up in this life you’ve been living the last 20 or 50 or 70 years or whatever, you haven’t ever screwed things up nearly as bad as you did on that day long ago when you finally sighed into the afternoon wind and whispered to yourself those terribly tragic four words: “There is no Santa.”
Why do we do that to ourselves?
Why do we reach an age like 10 or 12 and all of the sudden question maybe the greatest tale we have ever been told? Is it some sort of twisted rite of passage? Are we supposed to feel cooler or, sakes alive, BE cooler once we’ve ‘followed the sheep’ and declared Santa Claus to be extinct?
It’s a mystery to me.
Just when we could use a friend like old Saint Nick to help guide us through The Age of Zits and The Prama (Prom Drama) Years, we turn around and thank him for his long dedication to our boundless joy by informing him that he is nothing but a bunch of bull.
Anyhow, I have to try and stem the tide here this year; I’ve got to do my part to try and bring at least a few of you back into the righteous fold of Kringleism (that unfettered belief in magical things).
See, as one of the few remaining adult believers (and also as former Vice-President of the Unofficial Santa Claus Fan Club, Southeastern Pennsylvania Chapter #828 from 2002-2003), I should think that I’ve been privy to a wee bit more of the truth about who Santa really is than most of you. Plus, as a father to two (count ’em TWO!) die-hard SantaHeads, I feel like it’s my duty to try and save the last of the lovable legends before it’s all too late.
So listen up, people of Earth! Read the truth here today and then decided for yourselves!
You wanted the proof and I’ve got it.
Santa Claus is real: always was, always will be.
Department Store Magic 1 of 16Most of us agree that department stores and the like all hire 'Elves' to play the role of Santa in the month leading up to Christmas. But recent revelations in Santa Believer Circles highlight this special photo from the Sears store in Duluth, MN 1964. In it, Mary and Bobby Richards stare into the eyes of what is largely believed to be the REAL Santa Claus in one of his very rare store appearances captured on film! Why do we think this? Because Bobby, now a respected brat salesman in Sheboygan, WI swears it.
Young Claus? 2 of 16Few details are clear about Santa Claus's youth. However, in 1993, at a yard sale in suburban Reykjavik, Iceland, a woman bought a shoebox full of pictures that contained this stunning find. In it, what appears to be a very young Santa Claus darts through a room with swiftness. Experts all agree that the distinct scoobyish hat he is wearing is found only in distinct pockets of the North Pole, giving further proof that the boy in the picture really is a very young Santa Claus!
A Picture In The Mail 3 of 16In the late fall of 1917, Pierre Ribolet, a 6 year-old Paris boy, wrote a letter to Father Christmas doubting his existence and politely requesting some sort of 'vraie preuve' or real proof that there was indeed a man behind the legend. Less than a week before Christmas, while feeling dejected and blue from his unanswered letter, young Pierre received a candy-striped envelope in the mail that was postmarked in the North Pole. Inside, there was just one thing: a black and white photograph of a man who appears to look EXACTLY like Santa Claus. The Pierre Ribolet photo is hard to argue with, no?
Surprising Santa! 4 of 16In the wee small hours of Christmas Eve, 1968, the McDonnell Family of Akron, Ohio all returned from a wonderful evening at their friends the Stover's down the street. Upon turning on the living room lights, these folks were stunned to find themselves face-to-face with a very shocked overgrown elfin man with a toy train in his hand and cookie crumbs in his long flowing white beard. In the heat of the moment, young Rachel, 8 years old, used her father's prized Polaroid to take one single photo from her vantage in the parlor doorway. It is, one must admit, a truly candid and miraculous shot.
Doghouse Proof 5 of 16Christmas Eve, 1984 wasn't the best night ever in the life of Londoner Jacob Marley (I know, I know, but no relation). Marley had an argument with his wife Marigold about how much wine he had had to drink and ended up being forced to sleep on the sofa in the front room. As the story goes, sometime in the night, Marley was awakened by the sound of someone out by the tree. Thinking it one of his five children, he sat up to reproach them but instead witnessed something astounding. Luckily, his camera was on a shelf behind him. The result? A blurry yet intriguing capture of what seems to most certainly be one Mr. Santa Claus hard at work.
Strange But True 6 of 16On October 20, 1967 a man named Roger Patterson famously shot footage of what appears to be the one and only Bigfoot in Northern California. However, what has rarely been seen are the stills that were shot by an amateur photog simply known as Grizz that same day, While the film shows a strutting Yeti, one of Grizz's still-life pictures seems to reveal another figure in the photo, keeping a quick pace with the legendary monster. Is this possible? Could Santa Claus have been visiting with a Sasquatch on that very afternoon? Well, pictures don't lie. And neither do guys called Grizz.
Is This Kris Kringle??!! 7 of 16This past July, a man posted this picture on his Twitter account (now since deleted). The account was named @kkringle and there were only three other posts on it when this incredible photograph was floated out to the world. Those posts were all recipes for fruitcake. Worth noting: he had only 39 Followers and was Following only three others (@TheTweetOfGod, @rickygervais, and @AngryBFlay).
Last Minute Trouble 8 of 16Just after dawn on Christmas morning, 2009, a woman on the Upper West side of Manhattan in New York City was taking her two cats, Bella and Edward, for their morning stroll (yes, on leashes) when she happened to spot a very fat man struggling to gain entrance to a fourth story apartment window. The woman could reportedly hear him clearly speaking on a cellphone with someone, and he was flustered and kept repeating that this was "the very last house on Earth," and that he "had to drop off this X-box and that he would be home as soon as he figured out how to get in. With her own smartphone she snapped this sensational picture, which appears to be one of the very few we have of the real Santa Claus dealing with REAL life. (Incidentally, she did call the police, but by then the man had jimmied the window open and disappeared inside where he then vanished into thin air. Typical for NYC, actually.)
Over Poland 9 of 16On a clear Christmas morning outside of Krakow, Poland a man walking outside to get some fresh air took this photo of what appears to be...well, you know damn well what it appears to be. Still skeptical now?
Brooklyn Ho! 10 of 16Three days before Christmas, 1999, a man and his wife taking pictures of the city skyline of Manhattan were buzzed by a very fast moving vehicle that was thrashing hard through the sky. Stunned by what was happening, the shutterbug woman quickly turned her lense on what must be one of the most revealing proofs of the existence of Santa ever. Was this a test run gone a little astray just a few days before the big night? It certainly seems plausible given the circumstances.
The Crossing 11 of 16In a grainy 1973 photo taken in a small village in Labrador, an elderly man trying to capture a few images of local winter birds from his perch on a small hill by a typical elf crossing sign was overjoyed when he got home and looked through his many pictures from the day. For there in one of his images, was something he had not noticed...a fat man in a red suit madly dashing for safety across the village's busiest road (not very busy at all). And right next to the crossing sign itself! After long and careful scrutiny by over a hundred experts in documenting truth amongst elves, it was wholeheartedly determined that Santa Claus was the spirited runner in the photo. Unbelievable.
The Greatest Photo Ever Taken? 12 of 16This one is pure magic. It takes my breath away and sends goosebumps shooting across the curve of my neck as if I was being tickled by the very fingers of fortune herself. The back story? Oh yeah, of course. On December 24th, 1961 at approximately 3:45am, a 14 year- old boy (and NON-BELIEVER in Santa) named Serge Wilanko emerged from his bedroom in the home of his parents in rural Belgium to sneak himself one of his mother's delectable spice cakes and possibly a small cup of strong ale. Upon entering the kitchen, Wilanko heard a jingling of bells and deep quiet chuckles emanating from the den. He went to inspect and was floored to see the man himself, Santa Claus, relaxing in the boy's father's easy chair. Young Serge ran and fetched his camera from his bedroom and fearing the jolly old elf would be gone, he promised to himself and whoever was out there listening to his thoughts that if he could just snap one picture of the man in the red suit that he would never doubt the existence of Santa again. And sure enough, when he peered back in the room, Santa was still there for just long enough to hear the camera click before he touched his nose and disappeared up the chimney in a burst of dust and slashing light. A true classic in Believer circles.
The Rarest Sight 13 of 16At the end of August, 1988, two crewmen aboard an Italian military fighter jet running routine training routes over the North Pole witnessed and photographed something extraordinary, to say the least. In the middle of nowhere, far from any villages, the jet pilots saw what appeared to be a man dressed like Santa Claus repelling down a vertical cliff some 1000 feet in the air. When they circled back to take another picture with the jet's automatic exterior cam, they saw the red-suited fellow amble into a series of large caves in the rock. Was this Santa entering his secret world of workshops and candy cane gardens? Many believe it was, the two honorable soldiers chief among them.
Wow. Just…Wow. 14 of 16In Tuscaloosa, Alabama last Christmas Eve, a man by the name of Joseph Kerpuckle set up one of those automatic cameras used to capture pictures of deer and coyotes in the woods when no one is around in his living room. The next morning, when he sat down with his three sons and daughter to have a laugh and see what they saw... they were all flabbergasted to see this picture above in the camera. Yes it's blurry, but let's face facts: this was either the bug guy himself or one very clever apparition.
Over The Lights Of L.A. 15 of 16Last Christmas Eve, a weather camera posted on the east deck of the late actor Don Knott's former estate high above Los Angeles captured still pictures of something very very unique and enchanting. Looking like a plane or helicopter at first glance, when experts zoomed in on the image, they found themselves face-to-face with what really does appear to be a sleigh and reindeer soaring through the sky. It was a monumental capture in the search to prove that Santa is indeed very real.
From Russia, With Love 16 of 16On a Moscow bound flight from Athens, Greece during the early morning hours of Christmas Day, 2001, a man traveling home to his family in rural Russia took a picture out of the plane window high above the icy wilds of the Ukraine. Do you see what I see? What he saw? Yeah, the proof is in the pudding, as they say. Merry Christmas, everyone. Enjoy the magic.