9 Weird Things My Toddler Licked (She Lived To Tell the Tale)

One of the first things I learned as a parent was that toddlers love to stick random crap in their mouths.  While we were sitting in law school one day, a fellow classmate of mine, who was about to have his first kid, declared, “My kid will never lick the bottom of her own shoes.” A few of us in the room, who had already been parents for a while, looked at him and laughed. Two years later, I asked that friend if he ever caught his daughter licking the bottom of her shoes, and he responded, “Almost monthly.”

While I’d like to pretend that my kids have been more careful than others, there aren’t many weird items my kids haven’t given a lick. Especially Vivi that toddler loves to taste everything. Some things are weirder and more memorable than others.

Here are 9 weird things my toddler licked and she has lived to tell the tale:

  • Germs Everywhere. 1 of 10

    I'm not sure how the kid has survived this long.

  • The Chain Rope At Disney World 2 of 10

    While we standing in line to ride the Tea Cups, I looked down and saw that Vivi had the chain rope in her mouth. How many hands touch that chain in just one day? I don't even want to think about an entire week.

    Photo Credit: Vincent Lock

  • The Bottom of Her Shoe 3 of 10

    I've caught both of my kids licking the bottoms of their shoes. One trip to the bathrooms at the Indy 500 will cure any desire to ever touch, let alone lick, the bottom of a shoe.

  • My Shirt 4 of 10

    If I had a nickel for each time one of my kids has turned towards me and licked my shirt, I'd have a few more Cokes under my belt.

  • The Back of a Restaurant Chair 5 of 10

    This one happened only a few nights ago. Vivi turned and licked my shirt, and when I said "Stop it, that's gross," she turned and licked the back of the restaurant chair. She sure showed me.

  • The Floor 6 of 10

    I wish I could say that Vivi has only licked the floors at our home, but that would be a lie. I caught the kid licking the floor at the mall while we waited for Addie and Casey to try on shirts.

  • The Garbage Can 7 of 10

    As I husked corn in the kitchen, I looked down and noticed Vivi's entire mouth chomping on the garbage can I was using to throw away the corn husks. 

  • The Cats 8 of 10

    These cats put up with a lot. Addie and Vivi each end up licking the cats at least once per week. Why? I have no idea neither look very tasty.

  • The Windex Bottle 9 of 10

    Vivi loves spray bottles, and we try to keep the bad ones out of her reach, but one day she was able to snatch a bottle of Windex and immediately put the nozzle of the bottle in her mouth. Thankfully, we wrestled the bottle out of her little hands before she sprayed any Windex directly into her mouth.

  • Money 10 of 10

    I can still remember putting money in my mouth when I was a kid, but I also remember the day I finally realized how dirty money actually IS. That moment hasn't clicked with either of my kids yet, because it seems like I'm constantly yelling at them to stop putting money in their mouths.

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