Now that summer is knocking on our front door, we will soon be dragging the kids and the coolers and the whole wagon train to amusement parks, big and small, all across the country.
There will be games.
There will be big stuffed animal prizes.
There will be you looking cross-eyed at the nine-year-old who just walked away with a six-foot high penguin that your toddler wanted so badly that she is now bawling her face off as you stand there dejected AND sixty bucks poorer for all of your efforts to be the dad who won his kiddo’s heart!
And of course, there will be rides.
I’m talking log flumes and carousels and Whip-It’s and teacups and trains and, best of all….ROLLER COASTERS!!!
What true red-blooded American kid doesn’t look up at that towering monstrosity of aging plywood and rickety gears and simply sigh with yearning for the day when he or she walks up to the sign that reads You Have To Be THIS Tall To Ride The Electric Salamander and is finally big enough to do it?
Roller coasters are a rite of passage, a twisted detour along our endless journey towards maturity and bragging rights. So, it is no surprise that so many of us can’t wait to ride them as kids, and then continue to ride them summer after summer, park after park, well after our young have grown older and begin to stare at us standing in line for The Hellinator or The Stomach Pumper with slight shame in their faces.
So, in honor of summer’s imminent arrival I’ve rounded up some of the most insanely hilarious picture of both kids and grown-ups freaking out high above the amusement park as they rise and fall through the air on the greatest ride known to mankind…the roller coaster!
Let’s ride, people!
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Click through to see them all!
The Look of Horror 2 of 23
These two crack me up so much. Who is more mortified? It's hard to say. Priceless looks make for priceless pictures though, that's for sure.
Chipmunk Cheeks! 3 of 23
Oh man. What's that, G-forces pulling that poor little boy's cheeks down?! His dad looks pretty calm but I think that young fellow might just be getting ready to bail out of there!
That Just Isn’t Fair 4 of 23
Listen up, gents. Sure it's pretty easy to take advantage of a frightened maiden in the throes of action, but c'mon!
At least try and do it when the cameras aren't pointed RIGHT AT YOU!!!
(PS. Yes I know that's a log flume and not an official roller coaster, but I had to bend the rules for this one. You understand.)
Not Cool 5 of 23
Sometimes certain roller coasters just eat people's coolness for lunch.
Air Monk 6 of 23
It might surprise us to see just who the most awesome roller coaster riders are, huh?
Poster Boy 7 of 23
Is this the Poster Boy for roller coaster riding all over the world?
If you ask me, you're damn right it is.
I Hate This! 8 of 23
I want to imagine that this young lad ended up really enjoying his roller coaster ride as much as his dad seemed to enjoy it. But, something in his eyes tells me that's not how things turned out.
Too Cool For School 9 of 23
Ha! I like how unimpressed this dude looks in the middle of a bunch of people freaking out. Maybe he is an old pro. Maybe he ain't feeling so hot. Or maybe, just maybe, he is seconds away from smiling.
I guess we'll never know...
Little Daredevil 10 of 23
Hey. I just wanted to give you a break from all of these amped-up roller coaster faces so you could catch your breath here.
No Words 11 of 23
There are no words to describe this kind of fear, huh? The seeking of thrills has long since passed and what is left in it's wake is simply the seeking of getting the hell off of the ride as soon as humanly possible.
The End of Sanity 12 of 23
Sadly, for some people, a thrilling roller coaster ride on a summer's day ends in a total and complete loss of brain function. In this case, the young man in the red shirt has crossed over to a darker, stranger place than most of us will ever know.
Drawing the Line 13 of 23
The rumors are true. Some people love riding roller coasters so much that they simply don't know where to draw the line when it comes to expressing their overwhelming joy. Case in point above.
The Four Amigos 14 of 23
Wow. These guys seem to be having a....ummmmm....strange time.
That guy in the front may be peeing his pants, it's hard to say.
The Brave Ones 15 of 23
I really admire the brave kids that get on some of these coasters. In their little hearts, they are probably pretty scared. Yet, they climb in and hold their breath and take the ride no matter what. This little girl seems fairly frightened in the moment, but her mommy's smile seems to indicate that things will be fine.
Especially if there is an ice cream cone waiting at the end of this ride!
Last Ride of the Day 16 of 23
Something tells me that this ride will be the last ride of the day for this young gun.
Going Down 17 of 23
Riding in a car all by himself?! This little fellow's eyes seem to be pretty darn surprised at just how steep this thing is about to get.
And Dad seems to be enjoying himself, eh?
W.T.H. 18 of 23
Uhhh...what the hell is happening to that guy's face, please?
Uh-Oh 19 of 23
Seagulls and roller coasters just don't mix. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
I’m Outta Here! 20 of 23
"Mom, Dad, Aunt Lisa...Adios! I am bailing out while the bailing's good!"
Am I Dreaming?! 21 of 23
Nothing like a splash of cold water on the head at 75mph to wake you up, right?
Feelin’ Queasy 22 of 23
Of course, it wouldn't be a summertime trip to the amusement park if someone didn't get a little queasy at some point. Jeez, which pretty lady is about to get a helluva surprise from Captain Backseat?
The End 23 of 23
Oh well. These things happen. Have a great summer.
Avoid the chili-dogs.