Ah, Valentine’s Day … no, I’m not even going to start. I actually like Valentine’s Day. I’m all for everyday gestures and kindness, but I’m also a fan of big gestures and even, sure, a little pre-scripted romance time.
People complain about VD being too contrived, but I always think: What’s wrong with more romance? (And by VD, I mean Valentine’s Day, not the other one. See? Romantic.)
But that said … there are a few things — a few movies — that I find almost too unrealistic to be romantic, and every year I’m sure to keep them off any serious chill-out, movie time plans we might have.
Usually these things strike a wrong chord for me because the characters have one of those totally unbelievable arguments about something incredibly innocuous and instead of just sitting down for five minutes and talking that crap out, it becomes a major plot point that continues to pull them apart.
This drives me batty. I can’t suspend my disbelief that much.
However, my Number One Least Realistic Romantic Movie (see No. 1 slot in show below) doesn’t actually do this. There is plenty to pull these two apart in a believable sense and yet, at the same time … well, I’ll let you decide if you agree.
So here are my Top 7 Most Unrealistic Romantic Movies from the recent era or, basically, things not to cuddle up to on Valentine’s Day.
What movie that was supposed to be romantic struck a wrong chord with you?
Love Actually 1 of 7Please. Don't kill me. I love this sappy movie, and yet ... there's that one storyline where the guy is in love with his best friend's wife and pursues her. In real life, best friends just let it go and do. not. do. anything. It always strikes me as too much. But then I forget and get all happy again when I think of the love story between the manager and his rock star, or the writer and his maid. Oh, I need to go watch this again.
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days 2 of 7You need to seriously suspend your disbelief that one the characters wouldn't just stop and say, "Honey. What the hell is your problem?" and then work it out with a long talk. And besides, who continues this treatment with someone they are actually starting to like?
Lost in Translation 3 of 7I totally buy the Bill Murray-Scarlett Johansson friendship in this one. The tone is sweet and perfect. But what I don't buy is why she ever put up with her crappy husband in the first place? It's like watching two different people at the same time: one smart enough to strike up a great friendship and one stupid enough to marry that moron.
Sex and the City: The Movie 4 of 7First, who doesn't realize from the get-go that they're going to get married in a simple ceremony with that simple dress? It's not foreshadowing; it's foretelling. Second, who would marry someone so ridiculously obsessed with shallowness? TV Carrie always struck me as more believable than Movie Carrie for some reason ... and don't even get me started on the sequel.
Sleepless in Seattle 5 of 7The story line, plot, characters — everything is just perfect ... but there's no way you can convince me that kid is mentally capable of hopping on a plane to New York to make the entire denouement possible. The girl maybe, but not the boy. I'm not buying it.
Legends of the Fall 6 of 7Does any family have three boys that incredibly handsome? I don't think so.
Titanic 7 of 7I actually liked this movie. A lot. I won't confess to seeing it NINE TIMES in the theater, but seriously: The haunting feeling of doom always leaves me feeling less romantic and more itchy than anything. "Happy Valentin .... hey, watch out for the iceberg!"
Main photo: Morguefile
Slideshow images: Amazon.com