Kanye West once said, “I am the number one human being in music. That means any person that’s living or breathing is number two.”
Naturally, my mind immediately wondered next, Does this mean that I am the number two human being in music? Someone better let my kids know because they are constantly telling me to stop singing in the car. That’s when it hit me: Maybe Kanye West isn’t some out-of-touch hip hop star, after all; maybe he’s a parent’s biggest ally …
During his most recent ramblings at the MTV Video Music Awards Sunday, Kanye was kind enough to remind us all that he is an “influence” and “thought leader.” And it’s not just teenagers and budding hip hop artists he’s influencing, people. If you listen closely, he’s talking to the parents of the world. When considering Kanye quotes from the parental perspective, Kanye actually starts making a lot of sense. If I had only known to listen more closely to Kanye all these years, I would have been a hell of a lot better prepared for parenthood.
Allow me, if you will, to dissect 11 infamous Kanye quotes that I believe prove he’s truly the voice of modern parenting.
1. “I hate when I’m on a flight and I wake up with a water bottle next to me like, ‘Oh great now I gotta be responsible for this water bottle.’”
This is exactly how I felt when the hospital sent me home with my first newborn.
2. “You should only believe about 90 percent of what I say. As a matter of fact, don’t even believe anything that I’m saying at all. I could be completely f-ing with you, and the world, the entire time.”
Words to remember when one of your tweens is telling you literally anything.
3. “I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things.”
Like diapers, barf-covered onesies, and pee-soaked sheets at 3 AM. I feel you, Kanye.
4. “To use is necessary. And if you can’t be used, then you’re useless.”
Which is exactly why I will no longer feel guilty about making my kids do errands for me. I want them to realize their worth. “You are not useless, kids. Now please bring Mommy her glass of wine.”
5. “I am like a vessel, and God has chosen me to be the voice and the connector.”
I thought I was a vessel during pregnancy. Even that didn’t prepare me for what God had in store. I’ve got major connections now — to tissues, water, snacks, and the iPad whenever my children demand them. I am a vessel and connector Kanye.
6. “My goal, if I was going to do art, fine art, would have been to become Picasso or greater … That always sounds so funny to people, comparing yourself to someone who has done so much, and that’s a mentality that suppresses humanity.”
So, you’re saying I should not be okay with making boxed mac and cheese for dinner three nights a week? Maybe if I just strived to be Julia Child every night, my children’s palate would become more refined. Perhaps they’ll start eating aspic with gusto, or, at the very least, agree to try chicken.
7. “For me, giving up is way harder than trying.”
Now I understand why my 3-year-old refuses to let us help her put on her socks — even after 20 minutes and we were already late to begin with. Giving up is just way harder for her.
8. “Love your haters — they’re your biggest fans.”
A nice reminder for all those times I have to put my kids in time-out. They might be shouting insults at me, but deep down, they’re totally heading up my fan club.
9. “The prettiest people do the ugliest things.”
Kanye, where were you with this warning before I experienced my precious, angelic newborn’s first meconium poop?
10. “Sometimes when I see a bad performance and people still clap … I wonder if they’re clapping because they liked what they saw or because they’re happy it’s over?”
Clap because it’s over? Kanye, you’re a genius! Now my applause can be genuine after my children put on one of their shows in the living room!
11. “When you’re the absolute best, you get hated on the most.”
“Well, ain’t that the truth.” — Moms everywhere.More On