Golden Globes® Red Carpet Looks Judged by an 8-Year-Old

My 8-year-old daughter was upset with the results of the Golden Globes®. It wasn’t just that her favorite films of the year didn’t win the awards she thought they deserved (Into the Woods and Big Hero 6), but also that this year’s red carpet looks didn’t impress her much. My little fashionista may not know anything about these grown-ups draped in jewels and donning dresses of silk, satin, and what looked like Kevlar (we’re looking at you, Kerry Washington), but she has quite a few thoughts on their style. For her, the red carpet wasn’t about the actresses filling these gowns but about the gowns themselves. From Lena Dunham’s boxy red number to Julianne Moore’s metallic statement dress, see what my little third-grader had to say about the ladies of the Golden Globes®.

Kate Hudson 1 of 26
“She looks like a seagull — a very clean seagull.”
Jennifer Lopez 2 of 26
“Her dress is super drapey. It reminds me of like a really super-fancy bathrobe.”
Keira Knightley 3 of 26
“It’s pretty! It looks like it’s a dress for a little girl like my age, but a little girl from a long time ago.”
Salma Hayek 4 of 26
“I like this one. It looks comfortable — like a quilt. You can just curl up in this dress.”
Katie Holmes 5 of 26
“This lady looks like she is a big glass of wine with hair and arms.”
Jenna Dewan 6 of 26
“She looks like the banana-colored Mr. Sketch marker we use at school.”
Amal Alamuddin Clooney 7 of 26
“This one is weird. Why does she have such a tiny cape? I don’t know what to think of that. And the gloves make her look like she is royalty.”
Lupita Nyong'o 8 of 26
“It’s really pretty! It looks like it is raining flowers and grapes.”
Camila Alves 9 of 26
“This dress is like a piece of plain pink origami, but that was abandoned because someone was too lazy to finish it.”
Emma Stone 10 of 26
“This isn’t a dress! Aren’t you supposed to wear a dress to this place? It’s a weird outfit — like she is wearing a big piece of jewelry with a gigantic belt and really plain, normal pants.”
Catherine Zeta-Jones 11 of 26
“She’s wearing the red carpet.”
Claire Danes 12 of 26
“It’s sooooo busy. She looks like she’s wearing some kind of shaman outfit. Shamans are like super-spiritual dudes. We learned about them when we studied Native Americans. She’s dressed like one of them.”
Reese Witherspoon 13 of 26
“It’s way too simple. It needs a splash of color, like red or orange. But it’s a boring dress. We need interesting, people! We don’t need boring dresses! And didn’t the guy just say she was in a film called Wild? This dress isn’t wild at all.”
Julianne Moore 14 of 26
“Woah. It’s way too shiny. It’s like she’s a shiny, silvery fish that turns into a big, feathery bird-monster.”
Maggie Gyllenhaal 15 of 26
“It’s really plain. The shape is strange — like it’s a vase, so that would make her the flower.”
Anna Kendrick 16 of 26
“She’s awesome! She’s awesome because she was in Into the Woods. Her dress is really pretty and awesome like she is. It’s so pretty.”
Allison Williams 17 of 26
“There are so many layers, and it’s kinda spiky and looks uncomfortable. It looks like a really fancy lampshade.”
Kerry Washington 18 of 26
“It’s like a super-futuristic metal dress made of multi-colored tin foil. It looks like she could turn into a robot like one of those Transformers.”
Emily Blunt 19 of 26
“She looks so pretty! She doesn’t need sparkles. She looks like she’s a Greek goddess, but the good kind (not the kind that people dress up as for Halloween).”
Lena Dunham 20 of 26
“It looks like she took a whole bunch of shopping bags from Christmas, cut them up, taped them together, and made a dress.”
Amy Adams 21 of 26
“It’s really soothing and makes me sleepy, but in a good way.”
Patricia Arquette 22 of 26
“This dress is too pushy, like it’s saying, ‘I’m a fancy dress that goes to award shows.’ The dress would look so much better if there wasn’t that big bow thing on the shoulder. Take your finger and put it over the bow. See, doesn’t that look better???”
Laura Prepon 23 of 26
“It looks like the Black Sea.”
Dakota Johnson 24 of 26
“She’s like a disco ball. I guess it’s good for dancing?”
Naomi Watts 25 of 26
Rosamund Pike 26 of 26
“Wow, that dress could fall off of her at any minute.”

Image sources: PCN Photos

Article Posted 2 years Ago

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