When you think of the suffering that happens after a miscarriage, you usually think of a mother’s grief, probably because she is the one going through the physical and hormonal changes that accompany pregnancy loss. But it’s important to remember that dads suffer too — sometimes in more profound ways than we realize.
Irish actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers recently had a very public alcoholic relapse, which included photos taken of him with a policeman at a Dublin airport as well as some questionable behavior that indicated that the actor was intoxicated. The actor, who has been known to have entered alcoholism treatment on and off over the years, had been sober until recently, and the reason behind this current relapse was a bit of a mystery.
But yesterday, his wife, Mara Lane, took to Instagram to publicly share what has been going on behind the scenes for the actor and his family (which includes their 9-month-old son, Wolf). It seem Rhys Meyers’ newest bout with his addiction was precipitated by something very personal, and totally heartbreaking: the couple’s recent miscarriage.
In the emotionally raw post, Lane discloses what their family has been experiencing as of late.
“With much sadness, we open our hearts to share that J and I lost our second child, who was baking in the oven,” writes Lane. “Child was very very much wanted (right now especially by J, so he took the news particularly not so well) and we are still working with coping skills over here … when life throws us curve balls such as these.”
Lane goes on to describe how Rhys Meyers’ depression was triggered in a big way after the couples’ loss, and how depression of that caliber is often what proceeds alcoholic relapses for her husband.
“Depression is a real concern from past abuse as well as alcoholism which he was born with,” shares Lane.
Wow. It must have taken a lot of courage for the couple to reveal such intimate details about their loss and about Rhys Meyers’ alcoholism. But can you imagine how many lives their message of honesty will touch — how many people will feel less alone knowing they aren’t the only ones going through tough times like these?
Lane doesn’t want us to see her husband as any less of a person because of his addiction. She is quick to point out how very strong her husband has been despite a lifelong battle with depression and alcoholism.
“He has been able to turn any ugliness and hurt in his life into art and is the strongest person I know,” says Lane, “I do not know anyone who has been through what he has been through and reached his level of successes.” That’s truly beautiful, isn’t it?
Lane also is very frank about what an uphill battle an addiction like alcoholism can be. Anyone who has been touched by alcoholism in any way knows that it is a lifelong addiction — something that can easily be triggered by life events, and something you can never be fully “cured” from.
“It does seem though that every time we seem to be making so much progress … sometimes it’s like two steps forward, one step back,” Lane reveals, describing her husband’s alcoholism.
But again, the post isn’t just about struggle: It’s about bravery. It’s about showing the truth of the couples’ reality, but also the strength they draw every day from one another.
“To some others, my husband is an Irishman who battles alcoholism and depression and drank between jobs to try to cope with the sadness of this news,” Lane shares, “I am trying to and still learning/adjusting to living with the public, like one would as a concerned mother-in-law.”
Lane says that as of now, Rhys Meyers is safe and in the care of his “sober living companion and bodyguard.” The actor is waiting to get into a detox center after being denied hospital access in Ireland as a result of a two-month waiting period.
Let’s hope that Rhys Meyers gets the help he needs as soon as possible, and that he and his wife begin to heal after their loss. Miscarriage is extremely painful for all involved. Yet with their moving and candid sentiments, this couple has given us all a gift by bringing something to light that so many of us have struggled with, but which so few have the courage to share.