I’ve been shamelessly addicted to Lifetime’s Married at First Sight for a few seasons now, and so far, Season 5 has only served to send me further down that rabbit hole.
Last night, the couples celebrated their first big holiday together (of sorts) for Labor Day, and as usual, it led to a mix of low-key drama and awkwardness for all.
Let’s dive right in, shall we?
- Oy, looks like Nate’s mom is still throwing some major shade at this whole “arranged marriage” thing.
- OMG is she about to throw a tantrum … ? And walk out … ?
- Yes, yes she is.
- Aaaaand she’s outta there. Well that was awkward.
- Are we seriously still on this whole wedding invite debacle? Jeez, Cody, how hard was it to just tell Danielle what time the wedding is? We could have avoided SO MUCH UNNECESSARY STRESS.
- “Does part of you not want it to work?” Oh my, this took a sharp turn fast.
- Cody’s sweating.
- I’m sweating.
- We’re all sweating.
- “Maybe I’m not your guy … Maybe you’re looking for something different than what I am.” — OMG. I mean let’s be real, the answer to both of those questions is “100%” but this is all very direct and uncomfortable.
- Even the dogs are uncomfortable.
- Okay thank god we’re out of there.
- Time out: I thought Nate’s whole “I live with my little brother thing” would make things super awkward, but I’m actually kind of digging this little Three’s Company situation they have.
- OMG ASHLEY’S HAIR’S ON FIRE. I REPEAT: ON FIRE!
- JK everyone, it was just singed. Damn bathroom candles.
- I kind of live for Anthony’s bedhead. It has a mind of its own.
- “If I had to choose, I’d stay married to you … Unless you turn into a monster” — Oh, Anthony, you done stepped in it now. Don’t you know Ashley well enough by now to know she’s going to read into that like 1,001%?
- Oh here we go, we finally get to meet Donnay. Seems like a nice dude. How long until Nate freaks out on him?
- AH it’s therapy session time with Cody and Danielle. Deep breaths everyone, we can get through this.
- Oh man, Pastor Roberson is getting right down to it.
- Okay fine, so Danielle’s comparing Cody to her past BFs a little too much. It happens. But I mean, are we really just going to ignore the fact that Cody was the one who asked to “take things slow” on the honeymoon? If anyone’s pumping the breaks, it’s him.
- Hmmm … not sure I’m following this clam analogy, Anthony.
- Just me, or does Ashley try and pull some Jedi mind-trick stuff during every therapy session to try and figure out what Anthony said during his?
- OMG Cody how much are you going to harp on the fact that you’re not getting any action? Again: You asked to slow things down on the HONEYMOON! Talk about mixed signals.
- Where can I get Anthony and Ashley’s couch blanket? It looks super cuddly.
- Aw, what a deep moment. My money’s on these two making it all the way.
- LOL I kind of want to be friends with Nate’s little brother. What a character.
- Oof, speaking of little brothers, how awkward is it that Cody’s little brother is way more lovey-dovey with Danielle’s best friend — who he met on the same day — than Cody is with Danielle? That’s gotta sting.
- Ooo a good game of Never Have I Ever + alcohol. What could go wrong?
- Oh here it is. The Nate/Donnay showdown.
- Man, this dramatic music is making my heart race.
- Yes Nate, men and women CAN really just be friends. Jeez, didn’t you learn anything from When Harry Met Sally? Oh wait …
- Still though, Donnay’s a good dude! I mean, probably. Okay, I have no idea.
- Woah, there were so many expletives bleeped out just now, I don’t know what the heck anybody just said.
- Oh snap, Sheila’s calling them all OUT for shaming Donnay. You go, Sheila!
- “Donnay’s not a threat to my marriage, Nate is.” — Mic. Drop.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t WAIT for next week. Especially since the preview showed Cody and Danielle getting all romantical in front of a fire … Will they finally crack?
Catch more episodes of Married at First Sight Season 5 (and freak out right along with me) on Thursdays at 9/8 Central on Lifetime.