I am a big fan of all things retro. I like vintage style dresses with A-line skirts, and I think design elements from the Roaring Twenties are the bees-knees. What I am not such a fan of, though, is this thing called retrograde.
You’ve probably heard, or at the very least, felt the shift. Right this very moment the planet Mercury is in retrograde. This simply means while all of the other planets are moving forward in their orbit, Mercury appears to be moving backwards. (It isn’t really moving backwards, it’s just an illusion.) You know that feeling when you slam on the breaks and your seatbelt yanks you back? Welcome to Mercury retrograde! It’s been this way since January 21st and will continue to hang out there until February 11th.
You may have noticed things in your life have been a bit off. Yeah, it’s not just you. It’s not because you didn’t have enough coffee. It’s that the coffee you did have “randomly” tasted disgusting and your alarm clock “randomly” didn’t go off. We obviously don’t need scapegoats for our daily life, but sometimes it’s a bit refreshing to know that when chaos is happening, there is a reason for it. Yep, just blame your bad day on Mercury. There’s a planetary funk and we all stepped in it.
Astrologists have been trying to hold our hands through this challenging time for centuries. They have a lot of practice, as this retrograde situation happens several times a year. (Get ready for it to happen two more times in 2015.) The general consensus seems to be that there is a list of things we should absolutely avoid doing while Mercury is in retrograde. The biggies include all things tech and communication-heavy. Other things suggested we should avoid doing? Move to a new place, sign contracts, and schedule meetings.
Want to know what I’ve done so far while Mercury’s been in retrograde? Moved to a new place, signed contracts, and scheduled meetings.
I wouldn’t stand too close to me right now.
The following is a list of times I’m blaming Mercury retrograde for ruining my day (and one time I’m blaming on both the planet and Freddy Mercury):
1. When I lost an entire drawer full of socks
Maybe it’s the move, but please let me know if you’ve seen: My son’s favorite comb, my son’s socks (as in an entire drawer full), and my favorite chapstick. There were also two nights we couldn’t find the TV remote and we had to suffer through very bizarre programming.
2. When my son got an earworm that would. not. go. away.
This is actually Freddy Mercury’s fault because my son is going through a Queen phase right now. The problem is W doesn’t quite understand what Freddy is saying so he makes up a chorus that sounds right to him. If I have to hear the line “another one buys the duster” one more time …
3. When my selfie was ruined
It took me three days to realize there was schmaltz on the lens of my phone. It’s silly to admit that self-esteem can be wrapped up in the ability to capture a decent selfie, but there you go.
4. When my Seamless order never went through
The day we moved into the new house, I found a place I could order a pizza from online. (Not having to speak to a human being on the phone is always a victory for me.) I gleefully clicked the items for our order, submitted it, and we waited for our food to show up. Except it never did. When I went to look at my phone, I realized the order never went through … Mercury, you ornery beast!
5. When setting up my home Internet was harder than getting into college
It was EPIC. It took place over many days and frequently involved the phrases, “They are on their way” and “It looks like you actually don’t have an appointment.” Having to explain to your kid for an entire week that he couldn’t watch PBS Kids while he ate his cereal were some hard times.
6. When a transponder blew up near our house
It rendered two entire blocks without power for over 10 hours, and all of the food from our fridge had to be tossed.
7. When my kid got demoted from karate
My mom takes karate with W at the local YMCA, but this week she wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t figure out how to tie W’s belt on his karate uniform before class, and I couldn’t get a how-to video to load fast enough. When W’s teacher saw him without his belt he replied, “Oh, that’s right. You still need to do [something in karate talk I do not understand] before you can wear that.” The look on my kid’s face!!!
I’m not sure how much more of this my family can take, so I’m taking some precautions until it’s finally over.
Some friendly reminders:
1. Back up your blog
2. Back up your computer
3. Back up your cell phone contacts
4. Back up anything that can be backed up
5. Don’t move
6. Don’t leave the house
7. Don’t call anyone
8. Just hang in there! February 11th is almost here!
And just remember: if you every feel your life going off-kilter, you can check to find out if Mercury is in retrograde by visiting: Is Mercury in Retrograde? (You can never be too prepared.)
Image courtesy of Thinkstock