37 Thoughts I Had While Watching ‘Married at First Sight,’ Season 5, Episode 13

Aaaaand we’re back! Last week on Married at First Sight, we saw the newlyweds celebrate their one-month anniversaries, and this week, we’re back to see who’s going strong and who’s … well, hanging in there.

Will Anthony and Ashley’s fairy tale continue? Will Nate and Sheila get into another tiff? Will Cody and Danielle finally do it? (Spoiler alert on that last one: Probably not.)

Let’s jump right in …

  1. Oh, I see Anthony and Ashley are still on this whole corn hole “embarrassment” thing. Here’s what I don’t get: Even if Ashley really is the worst corn hole player in the history of corn hole (which isn’t possible, because I am), it shouldn’t matter because there is literally no one else at this bar. She knows that, right?
  2. Poor Cody’s grandma! So sad.
  3. Eeek, is Danielle awkwardly smiling while Cody’s pouring his heart out? And checking her phone? Focus, Danielle! Focus!
  4. People you maybe shouldn’t call when you need to share a deep life moment: Danielle.
  5. Hmm … Cody seems totally cool with it, though?
  6. OK, I’m not following on the Nate/Sheila garage debate: So he wanted to maybe live in a garage a few years ago (pretty weird, but whatevs) … and she’s mad now? He’s not asking YOU to live in a garage, Sheila!
  7. OMG, can you imagine if she married the guy from last season who lived in an actual bus? LOL.
  8. “I’m beyond disgusted with you.” — Sheila’s PISSED, y’all!
  9. Is it just me or does every fight Nate and Sheila have happen in the middle of a street?
  10. Oh wait, there was that awkward dinner fight on the honeymoon. That was BAD.
  11. Okay, Sheila — I get that it’s uncomfortable to fight on camera, but need I remind you that you signed up to marry a stranger on A REALITY SHOW? Your on-screen squabbles are literally what people like me live for!
  12. LOL to Cody wishing his hair looked like that fern plant.
  13. Literally cannot think of anything else right now but Cody with a fern on his head.
  14. Aww, I want what Cody’s grandparents had, too.
  15. New drinking game: Take a shot every time Cody casually complains about not “being intimate.”
  16. JK, we’d all be dead.
  17. Nate’s awkward silence over Sheila asking about Decision Day is making me sweat …
  18. There’s so much silent staring going on in this gym, I can’t take it.
  19. Mmmm this pasta dinner Ashley’s making is making me hungryyyyy.
  20. This DIY decor piece that Nate and Sheila are making is like a Pinterest fail waiting to happen.
  21. Oh, here we are again, awkwardly talking around the fact that Cody’s not having sex and he just can’t take it anymore.
  22. I can’t believe Anthony and Ashley are already moving! Moving once in a year is the worst, let alone twice in one MONTH.
  23. I’m no psychic, but Anthony’s totally going to get peer-pressured into moving into Ashley’s sister’s building, amirite?
  24. LOL to Danielle reminding Cody to take his allergy meds every day.
  25. Cody can’t finish two slices?! I’d put him to shame if we ever ate pizza together.
  26. Oof, close your mouth when you chew, Cody!
  27. GAH, this group dinner is super awkward, I need to get out of here immediately.
  28. Aww, the couples are all together!
  29. Haha, I would have loved to see Sheila high-five Nate at the altar, too.
  30. For the record, I am so on Ashley’s side with this name change thing. You stick to your guns, girl!
  31. … Okay, but maybe just cool your jets on the whole “let’s have a kid tomorrow” thing. You’ve known each other for a month, and you’re freaking him out!
  33. Thank God for this commercial break.
  34. Okay, we’re back and they’re still on the sex thing. Anyone else feeling wildly uncomfortable with how open this all is?
  35. And why do I feel like this is all getting pinned on Danielle? NOT. COOL.
  36. Oof, and now they split off into groups to just keep talking about it! I have the awkward sweats.
  37. Wait — it’s over already?! I swear, these episodes pass by way too quickly. But man, does the preview for next week look good …

So what did you think?

Catch more episodes of Married at First Sight Season 5 (and freak out right along with me) on Thursdays at 9/8 Central on Lifetime.

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