Oh it’s that time of year again. That time when parents uneasily anticipate their kids’ toy stashes to nearly double, and they only hope that the presents from distant aunts, passive-agressive sisters, and childless friends will be minimally annoying.
So in an attempt to guide uneducated gift-givers on the hot button annoyances for parents, here are 15 holiday gifts that parents would rather you not give their kids.
But, let’s say you have a personal vendetta against a certain parent? These kids gifts will do the trick — and their kids will LOVE each and every one of these:
Giant Stuffed Animals 1 of 15We have enough little stuffed animals to store and keep clean. Life-size ones? Please no.
via Melissa and Doug, at Toys 'R' Us $80
Spy Net: Bionic Ear 2 of 15It's funny; us parents were just wondering how we could have less privacy as parents. Thank you for this thoughtful gift.
via Spy Net, $18
Furby 3 of 15Furby is a HOT TOY for 2012, and kids will love it. Parents might even think they love it. But anyone who lived through the original Furby toys of the '90s will be terrified to know that these super-creepy toys now have "a mind of their own."
Buy from Toys R Us, $54
Moon Dough 4 of 15In a temporary moment of insanity, I actually bought this for my son a year or so ago. And I think I'm still picking ground-up pieces of Moon Dough out of the carpet.
Buy from Toys R Us, $10
Sand Art 5 of 15Again, the carpets. And sand. Just no. Save this for an outdoor-only summertime toy.
Buy Crayola Glow Explosion Sand Art, $20
Drinking Game Prep 6 of 15A game where the objective is to throw a ping-pong ball into a cup — now where have I seen that before?
You might think it's funny, but parents might not appreciate their kids honing these particular skills. Or maybe they'd rather their kids not lose at beer pong — in which you're just building life skills.
Buy Cuponk - Le Flush Royale, $20
Junior Drum Sets 7 of 15This specific gift idea was suggested at a recent family gathering, in which my eyes shot daggers throughout the room. I'm all for encouraging interest in music, but my ear drums (and my neighbors) have limits.
Buy from Toys R Us, $80
Electric Guitar 8 of 15Again, with the music. What happened to a simple guitar with simple strings? Does it need to play electrical sounds at different rhythms, too?
Buy Dora the Explorer Electric Guitar, $20
Musical, Talking Kitchens 9 of 15Now this is a toy that any toddler will love, and a parent might think is cute, too. But when choosing between a traditional wooden kitchen — with its sweet (quiet) imagination-provoking qualities — and one that says over 70 phrases, plays music, and demands to be "fed".....?
Buy Playskool Sesame Street Cookie Monster Kitchen Cafe Playset, $60
Toys That Won’t Shut Up 10 of 15It lights up! And plays over 80 sounds! And does somersaults down the hallway, while playing music! What's so annoying about that?
Buy Tonka Chuck & Friends Chuck Dump Truck, $30
Toys That Spit Balls Across the Room 11 of 15Remember that corn popper push toy that we all had as kids? Well this is the same idea, except it spits balls across the room. Why, you might ask? Well so kids can go pick them up. (Right....)
Buy Fisher Price Scoop and Whirl Popper, $20
Voice-Changing Music Players 12 of 15The little munchkin voice might be cute for the first 52 hours....
Buy Hallmark Birthday Happy-Okee Microphone, $30
Art Products for Places Kids Shouldn’t Be Drawing 13 of 15Oh they're washable, you say? Fantastic! I'll give you a call when the colorful scribbles are ready to be scrubbed off my windows and bath tiles.
Buy from Crayola, $12
Sensor-Motion Toys 14 of 15Surprisingly, most parents don't want to be greeted by toys yipping and barking whenever they walk in the room.
Buy FurReal Friends Bouncy My Happy To See Me Puppy, $37
..Or The Real Thing 15 of 15...unless it's the kind of yipping and barking that can't be stopped via battery removal. Or that poops.
Photo: Flickr/Jelene Morris