Like every mom, I have aspirational delusions of being Super Mom. Maker of the perfect breakfast, overseer of the perfect children, cleaner of the perfect house. You get it. You’ve probably been there, too.
And then the day ends, my kids are in bed, and I realize I am Mediocre Mom — at best. I’m not a bad mom, but when I look around my home and wonder what the heck I did all day, I see all the ways in which I will never be Super Mom.
Because Super Mom doesn’t exist. And if she did, she would never be able to keep up with and manage all the things. The ones that feel like losing battles every. damn. day.
Oh sure, all the laundry baskets can be emptied and you can be an over-achiever by folding and putting everything away, but don’t pat yourself on the back just yet. Go check under your bed or in your kid’s toy box. Look in the bathroom or in your car or even in the fridge. (No, really, it happened to me once.)
Honestly, the only way to truly have all the laundry done is to get rid of the laundry altogether. That’s right: become a nudist. You’ll never have to worry about laundry ever again. Or going outside.
Before I had kids, I would run the dishwasher once every other day or so. We just didn’t use enough dishes to justify running it all the time. Now that I have two toddlers who demand snacks every 27 minutes, I run the damn thing two or three times a day.
There’s always something in the sink waiting to be cleaned. Always an errant spoon between the couch cushions. Always a sippy cup under my kid’s crib that has been there for so long I forgot we owned it. (Yeah, that cup isn’t getting washed. It’s being thrown away because I fear what life form has evolved inside of it.)
We all know the jokes about how parents can barely get a shower once a week, and maybe that’s true. But what about everything else? Where is the time to wash your face, your hands, clip your nails, wax your mustache, shave your legs, or pluck your eyebrows (and your chin hairs if you’re blessed like me)?
There is always some part of me that is unkempt. After all, I’ve got two toddlers to take care of and they require a ton of my time … so my leg hair will just have to wait.
4. To-Do Lists
Every night I sit down before I go to sleep and look over the to-do list I wrote out the night before to see how much progress I made. The progress percentage is almost always close to zero. I don’t know how it’s possible that I was running around all day and only crossed off two things on my list. It’s a true mystery.
I’m exhausted from all of my productivity and feel I have nothing to show for it. So I add onto the list what I want to accomplish the next day and make a vow that I will finally send out thank you cards for my daughter’s baby shower 4 years ago. Tomorrow will be the day. Always tomorrow.
I love my children. But. Not only do they both feel the need to vocalize every single thought that pops into their head, but they also feel the irresistible urge to whine. They whine when they want something. They whine when they don’t want something. They whine if I tell them no. They whine if they don’t like the clothes I picked out for them. They whine if Mercury is in retrograde. They whine because I’m not Super Mom because if I was Super Mom I’d find a way to make them stop whining.
I fear they may never going to grow out of this because, if you’ve read this far, you know basically all I’ve done is whine. Oh, well; I guess it’s genetic.