10 Signs You're Probably a Mombie

Mom + Zombie = Mombie

And I am one. While I might not be a mom who feeds off the flesh of her young (eww, they’re just so dirty!), I do go through motherhood feeling kinda dead a lot of the time. Sure, there are things that wake the semi-dead (coffee, raw cookie dough, hair metal karaoke), but once this mom retreats back to the confines of her household; she’s right back into mombie territory.

I did my zombie due diligence thanks to Helium and I’m more certain than ever of the growing mombie population. As it turns out, moms and zombies? Not so different after all.

How do you know if you’re a mombie? Check out the symptoms below:

  • You’re no longer intelligible 1 of 10
    You're no longer intelligible
    Your kids don't listen because you've lost the ability to string words together into cohesive thoughts.

    Photo credit: Shutterstock
  • You have a one track mind 2 of 10
    You have a one track mind
    You're not out to feed on brains, but rather the sweet tender moments that make motherhood so worthwhile.

    Photo credit: Shutterstock
  • You have that glazed look in your eyes 3 of 10
    You have that glazed look in your eyes
    You haven't slept - really slept - since before you gave birth 7 years ago. You go through the motions but it's pretty clear nobody's home.

    Photo credit: Shutterstock
  • You’ve spent time in the fetal position today 4 of 10
    You've spent time in the fetal position today
    C'mon, admit it.

    Photo credit: Shutterstock
  • You growl at your children 5 of 10
    You growl at your children
    You never knew you were capable of bellowing such horrid roars of frustration until you became a mom.

    Photo credit: Shutterstock
  • You move slowly and shuffle your feet 6 of 10
    You move slowly and shuffle your feet
    ...especially when headed toward the coffee maker. Years of carrying around toddlers has wreaked havoc on your lower back region. It also doesn't help that your children have only gotten faster.

    Photo credit: Shutterstock
  • You’re plotting the mombie apocalypse 7 of 10
    You're plotting the mombie apocalypse
    You daydream about tossing out the sugar in your pantry and donating every last toy to charity.

    Photo credit: Shutterstock
  • You’re buried… 8 of 10
    You're buried...
    ...under toys, dirty laundry, and children. You slowly dig your way out - just to get buried again.

    Photo credit: Shutterstock
  • You look a little dead 9 of 10
    You look a little dead
    When was the last time you showered or swiped a little bronzer on that pale flesh of yours?

    Photo credit: Shutterstock
  • You’ve lost all hand-eye coordination 10 of 10
    You've lost all hand-eye coordination
    You've dialed that same phone number wrong like four freaking times! What the hell is wrong with you?

    Photo credit: Shutterstock

BTW: There is no cure so let’s band together and have some fun; bwahahaha!

What are some other deadly funny characteristics of mombies?

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Article Posted 5 years Ago

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