10 Ways I'm a Lame Mommy

I’ve written about the process parents go through to become lame. I’ve also regularly complained about my kids and discussed aspects of parenting that I don’t like.

So I figured it was only fair for me to come clean about the ways in which my kids probably think I’m lame. Check it out, below. I’ll warn you now–It’s not pretty.

  • I’m not a daredevil 1 of 10
    I'm not a daredevil
    I take few risks. I don't snowboard. I drive the speed limit. You can tell from this picture that even Splash Mountain makes me a little nervous. Maybe I'm not that cool, but at least I'M SAFE.
  • I’m really quite fantastic at whistling 2 of 10
    I'm really quite fantastic at whistling
    I whistle along to music like I'm jamming with the band on a beat up Fender. In my mind my harmonic whistling is incredibly rad. How does it look IRL? I'll leave that to your imagination. Just know that I whistle really hard, and with feeling.
  • I’m cheap 3 of 10
    I'm cheap
    I never pay full-price for anything. TJ Maxx excites me. My kids have only ever shopped from clearance racks or outlets. Is there any tab on any shopping website other than the "sale" tab? Not for me, friends. Thems the breaks.
  • I seem sad 4 of 10
    I seem sad
    I am happy with my life, but with 4 kids I've learned to conserve my energy. I'm low-key and not animated and that is no fun for kids. But seriously, what can I do about it? Don't say smile! Smiling takes strength. Must ... save ... my ... strength. You can have dinner or you can have a smile, but you can't have both. Whycha come over here and tell me to lighten up to my face.
  • I’m corny and prude 5 of 10
    I'm corny and prude
    Yeah ... so being corny and prude is basically the opposite of being cool. I disdain obscenity, I never swear, and I believe in hokey stuff like family and integrity. Not cool, man. Not cool.
  • I listen to NPR all day, every day 6 of 10
    I listen to NPR all day, every day
    Just like all the people you make fun of all the time, ever. I'm into it. I find it interesting. I'm the epitome of a middle-aged bore ... SAYS YOU! And then I high five a million Ira Glass angels.
  • I’m a blogger 7 of 10
    I'm a blogger
    You and I both know it's cool. But I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that kids do not think it's cool. To them it's just our doofus-hobbyjob. Like selling Tuppeware. Your blog is simply a source of embarrassment -- no more, no less.
  • I have short hair 8 of 10
    I have short hair
    This is probably the one thing my 5-year-old would change about me if she could. Short hair is not beautiful or glamorous or fun at all to a little girl. As a cute side note, I also get zits which my daughter hates and tells me to use Proactiv on. Adorable!
  • I draw like this. 9 of 10
    I draw like this.
    You know how there are people who can draw cartoons to entertain their kids or help them with art projects or hand-letter cute signs for parties? I'm not those people. My son and I have the exact same handwriting. I draw faces as a circle with curvy lines for hair.
  • I have no street cred 10 of 10
    I have no street cred
    I've never been the coolest knife in the drawer. My past is one of shame and dorkiness. And, uh, tap shoes. I have no stories to tell of glory days. The legacy I leave my children is a legacy of lame. Sorry dudes.

The Mechanics of Becoming Lame

What Harry Potter Taught Me About Parenting

Embracing Their Quirks: The Benjamin Edition

You Might Be Cool Soon

Want to read more from me?

Read more from Kacy at Every Day I Write the Book.
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