20 Things I Want My Sons to Know About Women

I’m a woman who knows a lot of women. I’d like to think these impressive credentials make me overwhelmingly qualified to teach my sons the truth about women.

As the mom of two sons, I spend a lot of time thinking (OK, worrying) about how to prepare my sons for life outside the nest, hence my dandy list of things my sons need to learn before moving out. I guess you can say I’m the mom who’ll make damn sure her kids can live without her, but secretly hopes they’ll never have to.

Since it’s in my best interest as a future mother-in-law for my sons to meet, marry and procreate with strong and wonderful women, it’s my sincere hope that they’re better men for these 20 bits of female wisdom – check ‘em out after the jump!

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  • Sometimes women cry… 1 of 20
    Sometimes women cry...
    ...for no reason. And before you say it, crying fixes everything.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Never mention her period 2 of 20
    Never mention her period
    If I ever catch wind of you saying, "You must be on your period!" you're out of the will. Period. Pun intended.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • She’s not fine 3 of 20
    She's not fine
    If a woman tells you she's "fine", she's the furthest thing from fine in the history of all that is fine in this universe. Think long and hard, buddy. You messed up.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • A woman’s heart belongs to her daddy 4 of 20
    A woman's heart belongs to her daddy
    The best way to earn the respect and blessing of Big Daddy is to treat his daughter right.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Sometimes women say the opposite of what they mean… 5 of 20
    Sometimes women say the opposite of what they mean...
    ...and sometimes they don't. May you possess the wisdom to know the difference.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Don’t mess with a hungry woman 6 of 20
    Don't mess with a hungry woman
    No seriously, just don't. Bring snacks and don't ask questions.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Women love-hate ego 7 of 20
    Women love-hate ego
    There is a time and a place for ego. Remember where you came from. Take care of the people you love. Be kind to people in service positions. Help strangers who need it. Be nice to animals. Call your mother.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • If you don’t know why she’s mad at you 8 of 20
    If you don't know why she's mad at you
    She's sure as hell not going to tell you.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • A smart woman will challenge you 9 of 20
    A smart woman will challenge you
    And not necessarily to an arm wrestling match. Prepare to debate, expostulate, disagree, and do it all over again because smart girls are worth it.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Women change their minds 10 of 20
    Women change their minds
    Far be it from you to solve the mysteries contained within 200,000 years of female indecision.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Nice guys finish first… 11 of 20
    Nice guys finish first...
    ...in things that matter most in life.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • The way to woman’s heart… 12 of 20
    The way to woman's heart...
    ...is through her family and friends. Respect them, be humble, and make an effort.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Women love a man who can cook 13 of 20
    Women love a man who can cook
    Woo her with your culinary wiles.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Girls dig chivalry 14 of 20
    Girls dig chivalry
    Never be too hip or progressive to hold a door open for a lady, help a woman in need, or make a women feel special.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Listen 15 of 20
    Listen
    As much as you want to jump in and fix every problem, your lady needs your attentive ear more than your solution.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Retail therapy 16 of 20
    Retail therapy
    A dose of retail therapy can make a bad day better, a jerky boss more tolerable, and maybe even let you off the hook for your latest infraction.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Appreciation matters 17 of 20
    Appreciation matters
    Never stop recognizing the ways - big and small - your special woman matters in your life. She needs to hear and feel your appreciation.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • She needs time with her girlfriends 18 of 20
    She needs time with her girlfriends
    Give your lady the freedom to fly with her best gals. She the man she brags about.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Women like it when you… 19 of 20
    Women like it when you...
    ...hold their hand.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Romance matters 20 of 20
    Romance matters
    Small gestures of love and appreciation matter to women. Once you've got the girl, don't give up romancing her.
    Image credit: Shutterstock

If you’re the proud owner of daughters, you’ll want to to check out 12 Things I Want My Daughters to Know About Men.

Have sons? What do you want them to know about women?

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