7 Things You Should Never Say to a Mother in Her Twenties

My husband and I met in college eight years ago. I was nineteen at the time and he was twenty-one.

We were introduced at a party held at his house and I don’t need both hands to count the number of nights we’ve spent away from each other since that meeting. I’ll spare you the corny details, but we’ve been serious about one another and our relationship from moment one.

It surprised no one when we announced our engagement a couple of years later, a plan we carried through with just before college graduation, but we raised quite a few eye brows when a month after our wedding we shared the news that we were expecting.

Despite the fact that we had college degrees and steady jobs with health benefits, no one seemed to be enthused that we had chosen to start a family at the age of twenty-two and twenty-four and, as it turned out, the members of my family weren’t the only ones who considered our decision to become a 20-something parent taboo.

Over the last five years I’ve endured many rude and inappropriate comments and questions from strangers. Most of the time I think they don’t even know what they are saying is impolite.

So, on behalf of young mothers everywhere, here are just a few things we would really prefer you kept to yourself:  

  • Was it an accident? 1 of 7
    Was it an accident?
    In my opinion, this is the rudest thing that is asked of me in casual conversation. The insinuation that I couldn't possibly have chosen to become a mother at a young age and that my child was a mistake is very insulting.
    Photo credit: Flickr
  • Whose baby is that? 2 of 7
    Whose baby is that?
    The more forward may ask: "Are you their mother or their babysitter?" After remarking how natural I was with children, another mom on the playground once asked me how much I charge. My response that I was their mother led her to the next thing young moms don't want to hear…
    Photo credit: Stock.xchng
  • You don’t look old enough to have a kid that age 3 of 7
    You don't look old enough to have a kid that age
    It would not be appropriate to tell a 40 or 50 something mother that she looks too old to have a child so young and this same courtesy should be extended to young moms.
    Photo credit: Stock.xchng
  • Are you still with the father? 4 of 7
    Are you still with the father?
    Some ask this directly while others cast a passive glance from my baby to my ring finger. Yes, I'm young and I have a baby… and a husband.
    Photo credit: Flickr
  • You are going to wait before you have a second, right? 5 of 7
    You are going to wait before you have a second, right?
    The only thing that shocks some people more than a woman in her early twenties with a newborn, is that same woman with a toddler.
    Photo credit: Stock.xchng
  • Do you miss being young? 6 of 7
    Do you miss being young?
    This one always confuses me. Did I miss the part where I ceased to be young the moment I gave birth? I thought my youth was the problem?
    Photo credit: Flickr
  • Don’t you hope your daughter waits? 7 of 7
    Don't you hope your daughter waits?
    If she is mature enough, in a stable relationship, and has the financial means to provide for a child, I will happily support my daughter in her decision to become a 20 something mom. These are the expectations I will have for her in any decade of her life. The question implies I regret my life choices. That's a big assumption to make based solely on my age.
    Photo credit: Stock.xchng


Article Posted 5 years Ago

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