“Women and children first!”
That was the cry from the decks of the Titanic that chilly spring night as the ship went down. Women are needed to propagate the species, children have their lives ahead of them. Men are expendable.
I get it. Still, when you see a survey that says 75% of women love their kids more than their husbands, it hurts. Just a little.
The survey asked women who they love more, their kids or their husband and 3/4 kicked the guy to the curb.
My wife and I talked about it this weekend, and she just shrugged and said; “they’re a part of me. You don’t know what I went through to give them life.”
The Kid Scoop team was more 50/50 on the topic:
Casey Mullins: I’m the 25%, IS THAT HORRIBLE? Maybe people were just afraid to admit to the other?
Amber Doty: I don’t know how you can quantify love, but I believe in putting my marriage first.
Casey Mullins: What Amber said.
Kacy Faulconer: This makes me think of the show Awake where the guy’s wife is dead in one reality, then he goes to sleep and wakes up in a different reality where his son is dead. The reality with the dead wife is much more bleak. I don’t know what that says about me other than TV helps me make sense of the world.
Casey Mullins: I guess I see it as if I were to lose Cody, I’d be left alone to help little people cope as well as myself.
If I were to lose a baby or child (oh please no no no) Cody and I would have each other to lean on and support the other child with, which we’ve done before through other really hard stuff.
I always tell my husband I will take a bullet for my kids, but not for him.
Marinka: I remember when Ayelet Waldman wrote about this years ago.
Jen at PIWTPITT: I always tell my husband I will take a bullet for my kids, but not for him. He knows where he ranks and he is fine with it. I love them all differently.
Andrea Zimmerman: Weighing in from a (grown-up) kid perspective: I always hated how obvious it was that my mom loved us kids more than my dad. I found it super-uncomfortable watching that play out in front of me. I mean, I appreciated the attention, but I always felt bad for my pops. Side note: I have serious relationship issues now, so THANKS MOM.
Casey Mullins: My trouble was when my parents got divorced they LOUDLY proclaimed their hate for one another and would each tell me that I was just like my mother/father. Which led me to wonder, if you guys hate each other, and I’m just like the other one, does that mean you hate me too?
Therapy. Nailed it.
I certainly don’t feel the need to fight for my husband or protect him the same way I feel I need to protect my kids, that’s an entirely different mama bear thing. The simple truth in my situation is that Cody makes me who I am and fills in all the broken parts of me in ways no one else ever has or ever could.
I’m pretty sure he’d pick kids over me, but he gets breaks out in hives if he ever has to think about one of his little girls being hurt. I’m okay that he’d pick them over me; I know he could find someone else, he’s an easy guy to love.
Meghan Gesswein: My kids come first. I’d go after them first in an accident/fire and I would fully expect my husband to do the same. And he would.
My kids are my (current) priority, my marriage is healthy (usually, ha) and when the kids are older and/or out of the house, we can concentrate on us. Not that we neglect our marriage now, but we had kids for a reason, and we think our job as parents is to give them everything we’ve got.
I’m a little rougher.
Buzz Bishop: I don’t have a problem with my wife choosing the kids over me, really. They’re younger and cuter and spend more time in our bed with her than I do.
It was a Mother’s Day themed survey, so women were the focus, but it would be curious to know if Dads felt the same way. Go ahead, ask your spouse “Who do you love more: me or the kids?” and put it in the comments.
I think I’m on Team Kid, here.