9 Things I'm So Glad I Don't Have to Do for My Kids Anymore

See this woman crossing the finish line? That’s me, only much skinnier…with much longer hair…running (which would never actually happen). Friends, I’ve crossed the metaphorical finish line of parenting – my 4 year old can now buckle his own car seat.

I’ve bent your ear about having baby fever. I even shared the superficial reasons I want said baby, but when BooBoo buckled his car seat for the first time I realized that I’ve pretty much crossed the finish line of horrid mom chores.

This newfound freedom has me reconsidering the whole baby thing pretty hard, especially in light of these 9 things I’m so glad I don’t have to do for my kids anymore:

  • Stroller wars 1 of 9
    Stroller wars
    Excuse me, pardon me, watch your toes, big-ass stroller coming through! Not only are strollers large and cumbersome, they don't fit in standard dressing room stalls or between clothes racks. (Gee Mommyfriend, shop much?) While I miss the stroller as a stowaway compartment for excessive shopping bags, my bat arms approve of the bag-handling exercise.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Being one-handed 2 of 9
    Being one-handed
    It's hard to hold a baby with one arm and get anything productive done with the other. Aside from the horrific spinal damage caused by resting baby on one hip, there's the whole mommy freak-arm to consider.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Looking like this 3 of 9
    Looking like this
    OK, I still look like this about 73% of the time, but the other 27%, watch out!
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Not understanding what’s wrong 4 of 9
    Not understanding what's wrong
    Until our little ones learn how to speak, we feel like strangers in a strange land who can't speak the language. Baby is fed, changed, cuddles, healthy, rested and yet still crying! Baby, help me help you!
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Buckling the car seat 5 of 9
    Buckling the car seat
    Getting a child in and out of the car seat is backbreaking work. Either that or I'm seriously out of shape. Either way, it's hard and that person waiting for your parking spot isn't happy about it either.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Corners, and hot liquids, and choking hazards! Oh my! 6 of 9
    Corners, and hot liquids, and choking hazards! Oh my!
    While I still worry about potential household dangers, I've eased up considerably. Glory be to the unchildproofed drawer!
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Feeding 7 of 9
    Whether by boob, bottle, or spoon, feeding a baby is time-consuming, messy, and in my experience, often trying. The day my kiddo pinched his first toddler puff I knew I was home free.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • All things diapers 8 of 9
    All things diapers
    While I still wipe my youngest's tush (...because you needed to know that), at least the toilet handles the disposal.
    Image credit: Shutterstock
  • Pacifier problems 9 of 9
    Pacifier problems
    Crap, we lost it! Crap, we dropped it! It's always something with those dang pacifiers. As much as I miss the "mute button" quality of pacifiers, I find lollipops to be equally effective for older kids.
    Image credit: Shutterstock

Despite the glory of being done with these 9 momisms, nothing quite compares to the biggest, most important reason of all to have a baby. The love. The stupid, crazy, nonsensical, more than a feeling, love. 

What are you glad you no longer have to do for your kids?

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