It could be any number of things: your new lipstick smeared all over the mirror, a barbaric do-it-themselves haircut, or finger paint on the dog.
You already know who the guilty party is — they’re small, probably a little sticky, and call you mom (perhaps grandma, dad, or auntie). It’s natural to ask “WHAT HAPPENED HERE?” because oftentimes kids’ answers, excuses, and logic almost make up for the horrible unspeakable things they’ve done to your otherwise nice and orderly life. There are times when you honestly have no idea what happened, and you’re left wondering if your child really did get a toilet seat stuck on their head in an attempt to hula hoop (true story!).
These are the stories that make parenting so much fun: the war stories we share with our girlfriends over dinner. The crazy things we embarrass our kids with when they have a girlfriend or boyfriend over 13 years later. The moments when we realize there’s a little brain in there that is running on all cylinders and an innocence that can’t fathom parents knowing more than them. Some of the following excuses are funnier than any my kids have ever given me, while others make me really happy I wasn’t on the receiving end of said excuse.
I asked a few of my friends what the best (or worst) excuse was that their kids have ever given them when they were in trouble and here’s some of the hilarious answers I got in response:
- “It was an accident.” This was in response to an astronaut found drawn on my closet wall complete with bubble helmet. – Jaime
- Ž”My brain made me do it.” She’s two years old. – Jessica
- When asked why he put a rock in his ear (that the EMT had to remove with a vacuum) he said, “Because it hurt when I put it in my eye.” – Liz
- Mine took a bite out of a sandwich roll and put it back in the bag. When I found it later, I asked if he’d done it. He swore up and down he didn’t. So, I asked who did. “A fly.” That’s right, friends. An itty-bitty house fly took a HUGE bite out of the sandwich … – Erica
- “Daddy did it.” Seriously. Everything is “Daddy did it” in our house. I’m just waiting for it to be “Baby Charlie did it.” – Katie
- Ž”My hand did it all by itself. It just wanted to cut my hair like that.” – Angela
- Ž”It wasn’t me, it was the other Lorelai.” – Heather
- My four-year-old got muddy from head to toe, and I asked him why he did that. He told me, “I don’t know what got into me!” Honest excuse, I guess. – Ashley
- My then-4-year-old told me that a fairy rubbed boogers on one of her toys. It wasn’t her, nope, no way. (BTW, I think Tinkerbell might need to see an Ear Nose and Throat specialist, because, eww.) – Cindy
- My 4-year-old tries to blame everything on Jesus. I’m working on it … – Ruth
One of my most favorite recent excuses of Addie’s was after I had asked her to redo something she had knowingly done wrong as far as a household chore — “I just don’t know the grown-up way of life!” As if the grownups have all the answers of how things are supposed to work. (Well, at minimum most of us know that the couch is not a garbage receptacle.)
What’s the best excuse your kids have ever given you?