Santa's Cheap and Other Things My Kids Need to Know About the Big Guy

You already know how much I resent Santa for taking all the credit for my hard work. But there are things my kids need to know about the jolly old dude.

I kinda figure hey, if I’m going to lie to my kids about Santa, I’m going to throw his fat arse under the bus and make myself look good. Ya dig?

  • Santa’s watching all year long 1 of 6
    Santa's watching all year long
    Santa isn't a Johnny-come-lately to the discipline game. He's watching, always watching. If you're wondering why a smoke detector is pictured, click here and you're so very welcome.
  • Mommy sends Santa wrapping paper 2 of 6
    Mommy sends Santa wrapping paper
    When mama finds a good deal on wrapping paper she buys a ton of it. Santa's presents will be wrapped in the very same wrapping paper as that present for Grandma and your 4th grade teacher.
  • Santa’s old school 3 of 6
    Santa's old school
    Santa doesn't understand all this newfangled technology mumbo jumbo. XBox/Kinect/Whatasawho? I dunno and neither does Santa. Keep it simple kid.
  • Santa forgets batteries sometimes 4 of 6
    Santa forgets batteries sometimes
    He just does. He's so busy making sure everyone everyone has new Christmas jammies and that the camera is charged that he sometimes forgets batteries are not included. Sue me, I mean, him.
  • Santa prefers chocolate chip cookies 5 of 6
    Santa prefers chocolate chip cookies
    Sure, sugar cookies are fun to decorate and peanut butter cookies are cool to smash with a fork design but Santa prefers chocolate chip cookies, especially with his late night cup of decaf while he blogs for Babble's Kid Scoop.
  • Santa’s on a budget 6 of 6
    Santa's on a budget
    Kids, Santa received the 14 toy catalogs you circled up and felt the need to remind you that the economy is still in the crapper. He wishes you a very thrify Christmas!

What to you tell your kids about Santa?

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Article Posted 5 years Ago

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