The Absolute Best Poem About Circumcision

Is it possible to push aside the politics of circumcision for a minute?

Let’s just forget the debate about whether or not it’s hygienic or just vanity. Let’s not debate genital mutilation versus religious ritual.

For a moment, let’s just accept it as a normal thing that normal parents do (which it is for many despite the protestations of others), and then read one father’s ode to his son’s foreskin.

A colleague of mine, Ryan Lindsay at AMP Radio in Calgary, is the proud new father of a boy. Ryan is a proud Scotsman. Ryan likes to have a laugh, and in the tradition of Robbie Burns saluting a haggis, he has crafted a poem for his son’s foreskin.

He read it on the radio to many laughs from his listeners (and a few screaming mutilation, but we’re ignoring that right now, remember?). He posted it on Facebook, and friends immediately liked it up. He posted it on Reddit, and it has been voted up there.

So, for a moment, in a world where this practice isn’t controversial in the least, laugh at the genius of a father about to send his son to get snipped and crafted this loving poem about circumcision.

Ode to a Snake Hood by Ryan Lindsay

Yay, though Ye are not yet a month old,
The time has come for you to part.
Ye’ve been cleaned many a time,
By Lea, and Ryan,
And Lotion’d up to prevent the reddening.
No More shall the penaten be applied to thee.
No More shall you brush against thine Pamper Imprisonment.
Today, we set you free.
And yay, though it may hurt a bit, as you are cast into a medical waste bin,
Your master will never remember it, praise science.
I’m so sorry dude.

Image via Buzz Bishop. Poem via Ryan Lindsay. Used with permission.

Article Posted 5 years Ago

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