Kids say the darndest things, especially when it comes to telling elaborate (fake) stories to try to get away with something.
My oldest daughter is nearly six years old. She’s just realized that she can attempt to get away with things if she bends the truth just a little bit. But what she doesn’t realize is that she almost always has smirk on her face when she’s lying. And what she also doesn’t know is that these very complex stories of hers? They’re completely unbelievable.
A couple of days ago, I was picking her up from school when she climbed in the car with a sad look on her face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I am soooo hungry,” she replied. I told her to wait a little bit and we will be home where she can have a snack.
“But I need food now. We didn’t eat lunch today,” she exclaimed.
I looked at her through the rear-view mirror. “You didn’t eat lunch at school today?” I asked skeptically.
“No, we didn’t have time,” she replied.
“Okay, I’ll just email your teacher when I get home and ask her about it,” I replied.
“NO!!!,” she yelled.
“I didn’t think so,” I laughed.
That wasn’t the only time she’s made me chuckle from the stories she’s created in her mind that were completely false — and she’s not the only one.
“My son Mac, who was maybe 3 at the time, [bit] his brother. When I asked him what [he did] and why, he said he ‘kissed his brother with his teeth.'” — Jeni K.
“‘The mean monkey did it.’ [Apparently the monkey] was squirting my contact solution all over the carpet.” — Alison S.
“At dinner one evening, I told Charlotte she needed to try the potato casserole. She told me she couldn’t eat the food because she was gluten free. The casserole did not contain gluten and Charlotte does not have any food sensitivities whatsoever.” — Courtney B.
“When I told my two-year-old it was bedtime, he replied, ‘No, mama. That clock is broken.'” — Sara A
“I only want three jelly beans. Only three.” — Shannon P.
“Me: Olivia, did you put eyeshadow on?
Me: Well why are your eyelids all sparkly?
O: I was born with sparkle.” — Kimberly K.
“Isabelle told her kindergarten teacher she was allergic to meatballs to avoid eating her lunch.” — Jackie D.
“When my oldest was learning to write, she wrote her name on the wall. When I asked her who did it, she told me her 3-year-old brother did it. He wanted to learn how to write her name and it wasn’t her practicing to write her name.” — Lauren H.
“Ben cut Allegra’s bangs on Thursday night. He claims she told him to do it.” — Nancy H.
“My three-year-old tried to tell me that the Snickers bar was a fruit bar! ‘It’s okay, Mom it’s a fruit bar.” [This was] right after I told him he couldn’t have candy before dinner.” — Ashley B.
“My son asked his aunt for a tootsie roll and she said, ‘you have to ask your mom.’ So he ran into the other room, came back, and said, ‘she said yes’ — even though he didn’t ask me at all. [He] then came to find me and completely told on himself by telling me the whole story.” — Crystal K.
“Daddy drinks milk, and Mommy drinks Mommy wine. (To the church preschool teacher.)” — Christy E.
“When I ask Fallyn who her favorite mommy is she replies, ‘hmm, Princess Sofia’s.’ One day she might respond with me … ” — Danielle M.