There Will be Guns! and 8 Other Things You Need to Know About Having a Son

I remember when I found out that I was going to have a baby boy. Well, what I remember most about it is telling my husband, who was thrilled, and telling my mother, who was stunned.

“What do you mean?” she asked me.

“I mean I’m having a boy,” I said, a bit more slowly this time. There was silence on the other end.

“Come on,” she said after a while, “is it April Fools or something? How could you gave a boy?

Of course it made absolutely no sense, after all there was nothing that prevented me from having a boy, but apparently since I was a girl and I already had a daughter, my mother thought that I was somehow incapable gestating anything with a Y chromosome. And then the panic set in. A BOY? WHAT DO WE KNOW ABOUT BOYS?!

Some people reassured us that having a boy was no different than having a girl. And during infancy that may well be true (except for the diaper changes, obviously. And I just have two words to say about that: Point. Down.) But as they grow, in my experience, there are certain truths about most boys. Obviously not all, there are exceptions to every rule (with the exception of POINT. DOWN. Trust me on this)

  • His speech may develop later and his handwriting may be not as neat as his sister’s 1 of 9
    His speech may develop later and his handwriting may be not as neat as his sister's
    But that doesn't mean that they're any less smart, loving and wonderful!
    Photo Credit: MorgueFile
  • Balls 2 of 9
    Boys are obsessed with balls. Even before they participate in any kind of sports, they will roll the ball, bounce the ball, throw the ball and even attempt to juggle the ball.
    Get it from Amazon for $9.37
  • There will be guns 3 of 9
    There will be guns
    I have friends who've banned toy guns in their homes (if you have a child over the age of 5, commence laughing now), but they soon found that their boys will make guns out of anything. Like bite the shape out of toast, for instance.
    Get it from Amazon for $23.88
  • Fart jokes 4 of 9
    Fart jokes
    Fart jokes are funny. Your son will convince you. Boys will fart. Loudly and on purpose. And if they say "excuse me" they certainly don't mean it. On the rare occasion when nature doesn't call, they'll make arm fart and leg fart noises as well. See, also: belching. My son can belch as though he's been downing pints at the local pub.
    Read more about farts on Wiki
  • Soccer, baseball, basketball or hockey 5 of 9
    Soccer, baseball, basketball or hockey
    Many, many boys will gravitate towards one (or more!) of these sports. Accept this now.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Hamper issues 6 of 9
    Hamper issues
    I'd like to meet with the mothers and wives of the NBA players to ask them if the basketball superstars also miss the hamper when they throw their dirty clothes in. Because most boys do. Also, just so you know, they take off their pants and underwear in one motion, as though it were one item of clothing and not two separate and distinct ones, OMG.
    Get it from Amazon for $5.66-10.41
  • Pokemon obsession 7 of 9
    Pokemon obsession
    Until there's a vaccine, boys will go through a Pokemon phase. You will try to understand it, you will Google it, read books about it and watch videos. You will not make any progress and you will be in despair because your son will insist that you play with him anyway. You will lose every game. You will hate Pokemon. Eventually.
    Get it from Amazon for $9.99
  • No kissing 8 of 9
    No kissing
    He will ask you not to kiss him in public. This is a tough one. And if you ask me, I'd rip off that Band-Aid now and tell you that, yes, he will wipe your kisses off with the back of his hand.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • He’ll always be your little boy 9 of 9
    He'll always be your little boy
    Even when you think he's all grown up and that you'll never be able to snuggle with him again, he'll surprise you one day by reaching for your hand. And you will be surprised yourself by realizing that you live for those moments.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto

And don’t forget to check out 10 Things You Need to Know About Raising a Daughter!

Photo source: Wiki

For more of Marinka, visit her personal blog Motherhood in NYC and The Mouthy Housewives, where she doles out advice as though it were candy. Mmm … candy. Also, follow her on Twitter.

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