What’s the Big Deal About Halloween?

Fine, I’ll cop to being the Least Fun Mom ever, but I have to admit: I sort of dread Halloween.

The costumed kids are adorable, the candy is delicious. But besides that and the whole “the kids are so happy” thing, what’s so great about Halloween?

I don’t want to deny anyone any fun, of course, but please tell me if I’m missing something. Because here’s how I see Halloween, in 11 Steps.

  • Step One: Costumes! 1 of 11
    Either buy or make a costume. The first option is kind of expensive and the second is kind of I'm not a DIY type of mom. At all.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Two: Buckets! 2 of 11
    Get a trick or treating bucket. Remember, size matters! (Spoiler alert: your kids will reject the perfectly good $2 versions that are sold at the drugstore!)
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Three: Visit the Neighbors! 3 of 11
    Go to the homes that you would not set foot in ordinarily and ask for candy. Exchange pleasantries with people in exchange for such candy. Try not to think of the message this sends to your child.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Four: Eat Your Kid’s Candy! 4 of 11
    Reach into kid's loot to eat some candy. Explain to child that "you don't need that much" and also that it's "wealth redistribution."
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Five: Uh-oh! 5 of 11
    Get glare of doom from child. Also get mild nausea from 10,000 fun sized candy.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Six: Teenagers! 6 of 11
    Pass some scary teenagers. Who may or may not be wearing a costume.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Seven: It’s Time to go Home! 7 of 11
    Hint to child that it's almost time to go home. Five seconds later comfort hysterical child that you were just kidding about the going home part.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Eight: Surrender. Dorothy! 8 of 11
    Resign to the fact that you're never going home. You will trick or treat forever.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Nine: The Message of Halloween! 9 of 11
    Remind child that Halloween isn't just about candy and costumes, it's about…how some …evenings..are hallow. By this point, child sits on stoop and announces that she's not moving, she is tired and hungry and covered in chocolate.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Ten: Heading Back! 10 of 11
    Carry child home! It's almost over!
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto
  • Step Eleven: Welcome to Aches and Pains 11 of 11
    Take an inflammatory for back pain and enjoy the fact that there's a whole year until you have to do this again.
    Photo Credit: iStockPhoto

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Photo source: iStockPhoto

For more of Marinka, visit her personal blog Motherhood in NYC and The Mouthy Housewives, where she doles out advice as though it were candy. Mmm … candy. Also, follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

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