It’s the time of year when pregnant women gaze down desperately at their swollen bellies and ask: what kind of Halloween costume can I possibly wear in this condition?
Actually, the possibilities are pretty endless. Last year around this time, I wrote a post that offered up seven Halloween costume ideas for pregnant chicks (all of which are still valid … well, except for Bristol Palin). Now, in an effort to give women-with-child even more Halloween costume options, here is a brand new list for 2009, complete with 10 Oct. 31st ensembles that work perfectly when you’re knocked up. A couple of these are more effective as one-half of a couples costume, but most work as solo numbers, too. And none of them involve painting a target or a stop sign on your bare belly.
Feel free to add even more of your own suggestions in the comments.
- Kate Gosselin: Technically — at least to our knowledge — Kate Gosselin isn’t pregnant. But that shouldn’t stop you from dressing up as the perpetually naggy mother of eight. Just wear your best famous-suburban-mom-going-through-a-messy-divorce outfit, the “Eight is Too Much” wig and a sign that says “Kate, Minus Jon, Plus … Nine?” (That number can be adjusted if you’re carrying multiples.)
- The Easy Button: Cut out a circular piece of red felt with the word EASY spelled across it in white letters, also made out of felt. Then attach your red circle to a long-sleeved shirt (preferably black, to give the button more pop) in the area where your bulbous belly normally sticks out. Voila! You’re a walking advertisement for the Staples Easy Button. One note of caution, though: you may only want to wear this if you plan to celebrate Halloween with a small group of close friends who have the sense not to press on your middle all night. Otherwise, expect more than a few jokers to tap your stomach.
- Betty and Don Draper, Circa Early Season Three of “Mad Men”: Before giving birth to baby Gene, Betty Draper brought chic retro elegance to her pregnancy. So find some classy,’60s maternity apparel and don’t forget to put on your blond Grace Kelly-esque wig. To take the look even further, have your husband/boyfriend dress as Don — suit (complete with skinny tie), slicked hair, fedora and briefcase. Both of you will complete the look by dangling a candy cigarette from each of your respective mouths.
- Billie Jean: This one only works if you go to a Halloween party with someone dressed as Michael Jackson, which, I’m guessing, will be a pretty popular costume this year. Doesn’t matter what you wear, really, although something vaguely glamorous — sort of beauty-queen-from-a-movie-scene-ish — is ideal. The key thing you need is a sign or T-shirt that reads “The kid is not his son,” with an arrow pointing to your spouse/partner in full Jackson garb. If you want to spend the evening dancing on the floor in the round, well, that’s your call.
- Octomom: It’s inevitable. In fact, as Cole recently pointed out, people already have started busting out their best Nadya Suleman costumes. But as a pregnant lady, surely you can take the pre-birth version of the basic costume — big lips, long wig, eight babies — to another level . (Sidenote: am I the only one totally creeped out by the Ernie in that picture behind the Octomom impersonator?)
- Mother-and-Child Reunion: Slap on a name tag that says, “Hello! My Name is [Insert Name Here], Class of 1992.” If you can dig up an old jacket or hat from your high school class (and they still fit), wear those. When anyone asks what you are, say you’re a mother-and-child reunion. (Yeah, it’s a goofy play on words. But it’s also a really easy costume.)
- Claire from “Lost”: With the greatest stuck-on-an-island TV show ever about to begin its final season, pay homage to cute, pregnant Claire circa season one. All you need is a long blond wig, a tank dress, an Australian accent and a few telltale scratches on your arms from that time the Others tried to snatch you during the night.
- Mom Giving Birth to Alien Baby: Speaking of sci-fi-ish TV shows, “V” — the remake of the ’80s alien invasion series — will make its debut next month. Celebrate that by dressing as a mother delivering an extra-terrestrial child. Get your hands on a hospital gown, cut a small hole in it around the area of your abdomen, affix some sort of monstrous stuffed animal or puppet to your belly, then poke its head through the hole and you’re all set. Afraid you’re going to look stupid? Trust me, you can’t come off any goofier than the fake alien baby from the original “V” did. Seriously. Watch the video below and you’ll see what I mean.
- Starry, Starry Night: A variation on the Easy Button model, this costume most definitely requires that you dress all in black. Create a big yellow, full-moon-like circle out of felt. (If you can score some material that glows, all the better.) Affix the orb to the belly area of your black shirt or sweater. Then stick some glow-in-the-dark stars all over the rest of your body — chest, legs, arms, etc. What do you know? You strongly resemble the night sky.
- Mommy Blogger: Dress casually, if not in semi-slovenly fashion. Carry around a small laptop — or at least a fake laptop — so you can frequently share your insightful observations about parenting on the Internet. Bonus points to anyone who prints out the bio photo of one of us Strollerderby contributors and turns it into a mask. Actually, more than bonus points: please, send us the photos.
For more Mommy and Me ideas, check out these easy Halloween Costumes!