If you have been following along with me here on Babble you know that I’ve been married before. But thankfully I got my second chance and with that a marriage to a man who loves me with his whole heart. I am in a relationship where the two of us love each other enough enough to want to work through the challenges that come not just with being married but with life. Because, let’s face it, life although beautiful is anything but easy.
Prior to my first marriage my biggest fear was divorce. I had watched several marriages end in my own family and feared that I would carry on a legacy of failed marriages. Eventually I came to terms with the fact that my biggest fear came to fruition mostly because I realized that what I feared more than divorce was the impact an unhealthy relationship was going to have on my life and my child’s.
My life experiences resulted in me bringing some lessons learned into my next relationship and some baggage too. Fortunately my husband loved me and my child so much that he was willing to help me carry some of the baggage that I carried with me. Over the past few years I have continued to work on me in an effort to be the best mother, wife and self I can be. And along the way, I have had to learn some lessons on marriage because while my mother did the best she could to raise my brother and I as a result of her being a single parent, what we didn’t get was a model of marriage. There was no framework for us to use to say this is how you get through stuff.
Recently I read an article by Your Tango about the top mistakes couples make that could lead to divorce. I found it informative because most married people don’t want to give much thought to the idea of divorce until their marriage is tested. Even so, sometimes increased self awareness can help us be more mindful of our interactions with and responses to our spouses and therefore be more inclined to seek help or support in the event an issue arises.
Here are 10 mistakes, other than infidelity, couples make that can lead to divorce:
10 Mistakes Couples Make that Can Lead to Divorce 1 of 11
Click through for 10 mistakes couples make that can lead to divorce.
You don’t work on the relationship 2 of 11
This seems so obvious but so many couples struggle to make the time to work on the relationship. When we are dating we invest a lot into our relationship, then we get married and then life gets in the way. We become preoccupied with work obligations, caring for our children and we figure out our spouse can wait, they'll understand. But relationships require work. Marina Pearson of Your Tango likens it to tuning a car. Much like we get maintenance to keep our cars running our relationships need regular maintenance in order to last.
Not spending time together 3 of 11
According to Your Tango not spending time together can result in you feeling disconnected and distant from your spouse. That alone can eventually lead to divorce.
Experience a change in priorities 4 of 11
An article in The Huffington Post notes that a change in one's priorities can lead to divorce. "People grow and change; sometimes they grow together in the same direction and other times they grow apart." The challenge for couples is when these changes are deemed unacceptable by your spouse.
Dishonesty 5 of 11
For many couples a sense of trust is the foundation for which their marriage was built upon. For some even omitting information is perceived as dishonesty. If you do something to lose your spouse's trust then you might risk losing them.
Financial negligence 6 of 11
According to an article by Psychology Today being "reckless" with money or being a "negligent financial planner" can impact the "longevity of your relationship."
Belittling your partnerâï¿½ï¿½s needs 7 of 11
According to The Huffington Post minimizing the importance of your spouse's needs can negatively impact your marriage.
Your relationship with your in-laws 8 of 11
According to a study referenced in The Huffington Post a man who has a positive relationship with his in-laws has a higher chance of having a strong marriage. Interestingly enough the opposite is true for women.
Not having your own identity 9 of 11
Your Tango's Lisa Payne notes that not having your own interests outside of marriage can result in an unhealthy relationship. Not being comfortable doing things without your spouse is a sign of codependency.
Poor communication 10 of 11
Many professionals will cite communication as a cause for a relationship's demise. Couples sometime struggle to communicate at all and/or fail to engage in effective communication.
Lack of commitment 11 of 11
An article by MSN notes that a lack of commitment can account for a couple divorcing. According to a survey they referenced by the National Fatherhood Initiative, "Seventy-three percent of couples said a lack of commitment was the main reason their marriage didn't work." What is especially interesting is that many people expressed a wish that they or their spouse worked harder to save their marriages.
Now that you know some of the leading causes for divorce you can take preventative measures in your own relationship or at the very least determine how you and your spouse plan to address any of these challenges should you face them. For those of you who faced these sort of challenges in your marriage, were you able to get through them and if so how?
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