When I shared with you my fears about getting back onto the saddle and being intimate with my husband since giving birth to our baby, several of you commented giving me excellent advice. You shared your own experiences and offered several suggestions. More importantly, you reminded me that what I am feeling is normal and that in the end I need to follow a time-frame that works best for me and my body. You advised me that my husband will understand, and thankfully he does, and you reminded me to do things for myself. Thank you for not just reading my story but for also taking the time to share a portion of yours, too.
Now, since you already know 6 signs that you may not be ready to have sex postpartum, I decided it was only appropriate that I now share some tips I’ve learned just in case you decide that you are ready. Check out 10 tips to help make lovemaking more comfortable after baby:
1. Take care of baby first
Concerned the baby might wake up? Try making sure baby is put to sleep with a full tummy. Now may not be the time for spontaneous love making. Speaking of baby, if you haven’t yet, consider talking to your doctor about birth control options.
2. Strengthen those muscles
You guessed it! Kegels. Chances are your doctor has been telling you to do them since you were pregnant. If you are doing them keep on. If you aren’t you may want to start. Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles will help increase vaginal muscle tone which in turn can impact arousal.
3. Use lubricant
So many women have shared that lubricant is a former pregnant lady’s best friend. Due to our ever-changing hormones, vaginal dryness is very common post pregnancy and is said to be even more prevalent in breastfeeding women. Using a lubricant can help remedy dryness, ultimately reducing pain, and it might even help make things feel good too.
4. Enjoy a glass of wine or a massage
A massage or glass of wine can help. How so? Both have the ability to help relax you and help reduce any tension you might be feeling.
5. Have some towels on standby
If you are breastfeeding there is a possibility for some leakage. Having towels nearby can help you quickly clean up any spills. Nursing or pumping beforehand can also help. Another solution is to skip the bedroom and, as one reader suggested, head for the shower.
6. Build up intensity
You’ve been waiting for this moment for ages. Or if you haven’t I am quite sure he has but there is still good reason to take your time. Building up “intensity” can help remedy any physical discomfort you might feel while doing the deed. Cuddling and kissing is a good start.
7. Be present
As hard as it is, try and focus on being present with your partner. As mothers we’ve always got a million things on our mind but when you are with your spouse, focus on truly being with them and deepening the connection that you share.
8. Reposition yourself as necessary
It is recommended that different positions are tried in order to reduce pressure in unwanted places and to control penetration.
9. Talk to your partner
During sex is definitely not the time to talk about all the cute things the baby did during the day; it is however, the perfect time to let your partner know if something is painful or uncomfortable. At the same time let them know if it feels good!
10. If at first you don’t succeed…
Try again. Things happen. The baby might wake up or you may find that despite an attempt you just aren’t ready. Go easy on yourself. Everyone’s timeline for sex after giving birth is different. Talk to your partner about your concerns and remember that there are plenty of other ways to “maintain intimacy” and show your partner affection.
Have any additional tips or a postpartum success story you care to share?