MSN Living recently published 50 Things That Still Perplex Men About Women and I literally LOL’d. From the “insta-cry” to the group bathroom visits, women reign supreme as the more complicated species.
While it may seem just about every man problem can be solved by the trifecta of sports, sex, and food, this truth does little to explain these top 25 man habits.
Men, we’re begging. Please help us understand.
1. YOUR NEED TO FIX EVERYTHING
When we cried because our boss was a jerk, we didn’t expect you to come up with a plan to get him fired. Why can’t you just let us be sad and pretend to listen?
2. OBLIVIOUS TO A SINGLE DETAIL
Your best friend called to tell you he had a baby. You don’t know the baby’s name, or even the baby’s gender. You do, however, know that we’re out of beer.
3. SLEEPING THROUGH A CRYING BABY
We know you’re not really sleeping. Oh yes, we know. We’re also keeping score.
4. THE COMBOVER
The combover has never once fooled anyone into thinking you have hair. Never once.
5. BOOBY KRYPTONITE
They’re just boobs; breathe. You know who else has boobs? Your mom.
6. NOT KNOWING WHEN SOMETHING’S WRONG
When we say “nothing” is wrong, it means everything is so completely wrong that we don’t even have enough hours in this lifetime to adequately express how wrong everything is.
7. THINKING WE KNOW WHERE YOUR STUFF IS
Why would we know where your jockstrap is? We didn’t use it last.
8. SEX AS A CURE-ALL
You just lost your job and then learned your mom is sick in the hospital. Who’s up for sex?
9. YOUR MOTHER IS A SAINT
Except she’s not. Not even close. A saint might have taught you to put the lid down.
10. YOUR DEFINITION OF BABYSITTING
Watching your neighbor’s kid is called babysitting. Watching your own kid is called parenting. The more you know.
11. SCRATCHING IN PUBLIC
You call it “adjusting”. We call it disgusting.
12. DIRTY CLOTHES OUTSIDE THE HAMPER
We find dirty clothes next to the hamper, semi-near the hamper, but rarely inside the hamper.
Grizzly Adams, for the love of all things holy, what the hell is up with your snoring?
14. REFUSING TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS
You know what’s way funnier than driving around lost and fighting for three hours? Not.
15. VIDEO GAMES
Dude, you’re not 15. No, really.
16. PISS POOR AIM
This toilet bowl is twice the size of your noggin and yet we still seem to have a problem. Is your manhood set to “spray” instead of “stream”?
Big patch of grass and a little dimpled ball. Mmmkay…
18. THINKING YOU’RE A BETTER DRIVER
Beating Gran Turismo doesn’t make you a better driver. When was the last time you successfully cried your way out of a speeding ticket?
19. AN HOUR IN THE BATHROOM
You didn’t really need to use the bathroom because if you did, you would have been done 55 minutes ago.
Not only do you think farts are funny, you think they’re hilarious. ZOMG, we’re so totally turned on right now!
21. YOUR VERSION OF COOKING
We wish we could “cook” like this every night!
22. YOUR INABILITY TO MULTITASK
We cook, clean, check homework, and discipline our children all at the same time while you have difficulty answering a simple question with the TV on.
23. SICK BABIES
Poor man-baby, you’re sick. Please, allow us to wait on you moan and beg for your mommy.
24. NEVER ADMITTING YOU’RE WRONG
Would you rather be right or be happy?
25. EMPTY CONTAINERS IN THE FRIDGE
You finished the last of the leftovers and tossed the empty container back in the fridge because…