Michelle Lewis, one of the relationship experts at YourTango, has come up with an excellent list of rules for women who are unlucky in love. She says, “Too often, I see female friends devastated by their dating experiences. Despite their best efforts, men never treat them the way they deserve to be treated. And it is heartbreaking to watch them make the same mistakes over and over again.” So Lewis advocates doing the following things to improve your chances of creating a successful relationship:
1.) Get off the pity train. Lewis says, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Let go of the self-defeating thoughts holding you back. How fun is it to hang out with someone who only puts themselves down? If men aren’t interested in you, it probably isn’t because you aren’t a supermodel, it is probably because they can see how you feel about yourself.”
2.) Keep an air of mystery. Lewis writes, “We all have baggage. Over the course of a relationship, your significant other will learn more about you. Until that point, don’t over share.” An interesting relationship tactic, especially for those of us who thrive on oversharing! She adds, “This is a common mistake women make. Especially when we feel insecure, we tell people way too much about us. Because we share so much about our thoughts and emotions with each other, we tend to do this too much with men in the beginning. I am all for being open and honest in a relationship, but give the relationship a chance to progress before you open up too much.”
3.) Only put in a 30% effort. Lewis says, “The feminists are going to hate me on this one, but I think “I am woman, hear me roar” has done us a disservice in the dating department. Think about it in mathematical terms, if you put in 100% effort, how much is left for him to give? Honestly, when it comes to dating, less is more. The less effort you put in, the more he has to come forward. This becomes diagnostic of how invested he is in you. If he doesn’t come forward, run, do not walk.”
4.) Never call him unless returning a call. Lewis urges, “Don’t be clingy. I can’t emphasize this enough. Men will easily get turned off by a woman who calls or texts too much. It is overwhelming and can end a relationship before it starts …. You are a busy woman. You have so many people and activities competing for your time and attention, you don’t have time to call him.”
5.) Let go of the outcome. Lewis notes, “Some relationships are very short-lived because they are not meant to be. This is no indication of your worth as a person. So many women are devastated when a first date does not become a relationship. They think it is because they are not pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough or fun enough. They don’t even stop to consider whether or not they even like the guy.” So true. She says, “Date like a man. Show up, have fun and if it works out, great, if not, on to the next one.”
I know that last sentence might feel a bit jarring, and so does Lewis. She says, “It may seem like adhering to these rules would be “playing games”. It isn’t a game, it is about showing someone you are worthy of their respect.” For more of Lewis’ no-nonsense (and in my opinion, sound) dating advice, visit YourTango. Now, if only adhering to these rules was as easy as reading them!