Lying. We are all guilty of it on an almost-daily basis. Whether you’re consoling a friend with a terrible haircut (It’s really not that bad!) or telling the boss you would love to take on a new project when your workload is more than sufficient to get you to 5 P.M. (Leave it with me! I’ll take care of it. No problem!), telling the occasional half-truth is a part of life.
As women, we like to think that we are the more honest sex and maybe that’s true, but we are definitely not innocent when it comes to tweaking the truth a bit.
Here are 12 little white lies women tell their husbands. Are you guilty?
I DON’T KNOW WHERE I WANT TO EAT. YOU CHOOSE
I know exactly where I want to eat. I just want you to list everything in town so that I can shoot them down one by one until you mention the place I’ve been thinking all along at which point I will declare that it “will do.”
I DON’T WANT DESSERT
I do want dessert. We both know I want dessert. It’s your job to order dessert and then not complain while I eat more than half of it. This is in our marriage contract. Check the fine print.
THIS OLD THING? I’VE HAD THIS FOREVER
Well, I’ve had it longer than the shoes I bought yesterday and the dress I bought last week.
IT WASN’T THAT EXPENSIVE
A haircut, highlight, and blow-out cost 20 dollars. My husband will go to the grave believing this. In a decade I may up it to 22 to account for inflation. Probably not.
I HAVE A HEADACHE
It came on suddenly! It’s the kind that can only be cured by going to sleep immediately. I’m as disappointed as you are.
NO, I DIDN’T THROW IT AWAY. I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS
It hurts that you’d accuse me of such. I’m as shocked as you are that the threadbare t-shirt you insist on wearing everywhere — including my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary party — has gone missing. I sure hope it turns up. I’d help you look, but I’ve got to wash my hair.
Of course I’m not fine and me saying I’m fine is the first clue. Maybe it’s the fact that your socks never seem to make it to the strategically placed hamper or maybe you forgot our anniversary. Either way, you better figure it out fast because I feel a headache coming on.
I LOVE YOUR FRIENDS
They are great! That belching thing Tom does and the way Jim leaves sweat stains on our couch every Sunday after poker night … what’s not to love?
YOU ARE RIGHT
Look, you aren’t right and you’ve never been right, but a new episode of Grey’s Anatomy is about to come on, and my time to launch a full-scale Google research campaign to convince you otherwise is limited. Now, step aside. You’re blocking my view of the television.
DOES THIS MAKE ME LOOK FAT? BE HONEST. I WON’T BE MAD
Actually, I won’t be mad. That’s true. If you have the gall to confirm that my outfit may not be the most flattering, I’ll actually enter a silent rage that I’ll save for half a year at which point I’ll blindside you with an explosive emotional outburst complete with an ugly cry.
I WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING ABOUT YOU
For the most part this is true. Well, except for the way you leave your used dental floss lying on the sink or the way you swear you didn’t hear the baby crying over the monitor at 2 A.M. or the way you clip your toenails in bed. I’d change all of those things.
I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR MOTHER
Who doesn’t enjoy being critiqued on their home-making skills followed by a thorough rundown of the changes in their physical appearance? She’s so honest. Really, it’s refreshing.