Being a Mom Is Hard Enough


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    The grocery store hijack

    The grocery store hijack

    No matter how hard you are working at balancing produce and your baby while trying to grab the bargain bin wine, chances are this mommy will stroll by and let you know with a loud sigh that she could have done it better. Solution: Realize that if your baby is still in the cart, you're doing something right. And treat yourself to two bottles from the bargain bin.
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    Passive-aggressive Facebooking

    Passive-aggressive Facebooking Nothing is more paralyzing or rage-inducing than the passive-aggressive Facebook attack, and it’s where this mommy thrives. On Facebook she can tell you all about how she is already in her pre-pregnancy pants and share links that prove (with science, natch) how horrible it is when parents let their kids play with dog food or watch daytime television.

    Solution: Remember, if she’s this desperate to brag, chances are she’s got an internal Judge Judy wreaking havoc with her confidence. Don’t let her insecurities become contagious.

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    The coffee shop eye roll

    The coffee shop eye roll The coffee shop mommy is notorious for sneak attacks. Sure, she’s hunkering down at an establishment that deals in caffeine, but don’t assume she’s sympathetic. She’s drinking tea and if you drag your fat, pregnant self up to the counter and order the biggest bucket of caffeine they have, she’s going to give you the slanty eye and make you consider dumping $5 worth of wake-up time all over her.

    Solution: Remember, you can’t even think clearly until you’ve had your morning cup. Take it down the block and if you still feel like confronting her after, you can always go all the way back to do it. Yeah, right.

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    The restaurant ambush

    The restaurant ambush You thought you were having a nice time out to eat. No dishes, no floors to clean, no stove to sweat over (or if we are being honest, no microwave buttons to press), and then, out of nowhere, your baby coos, fussy, or even worse, let’s a French fry fly, and from the booth behind you, you hear, “Our child never went out to eat with us.”

    Solution: Smile happily at your baby and say, “Isn’t it nice to have parents who love you so much they treat you like an actual human who will benefit from interacting with society?”

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    Playgroup pirating

    Playgroup pirating This mommy hides in playgroups and seems to thrive on worrying about your child more than you do. Should your baby have a hat on? Are you really going to put sunblock on that precious, sweet skin?

    Solution: The truly hard part about dealing with this mommy is being mom enough to know when she’s actually pointing out something that will help your kid. Take a good two seconds to allow for this possibility before finding another mommy to talk to.

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    Holier than thou

    Holier than thou This can turn a day of worship — however you choose to do it — into a day of rage. All she has to do is turn around while you’re trying to get centered and glare at you when your baby fusses. Hey, it’s no cakewalk for you either.

    Solution: Give her an extra dose of “namaste” and move on with your day.

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    Baby name belittler

    Baby name belittler This can come at anytime and at anyplace, although it’s usually at a family event. All of a sudden, the aunt who has five kids all with J names (Jakyn, Jyllyn, Jorgia, Jaspyn and Jermayn) asks you where on EARTH you got the name for your baby.

    Solution: Say your child is named after the mattress brand on which she was conceived.

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    The Internet ambush

    The Internet ambush When people look back on the changes that the Internet hath wrought upon our society, I hope they include giving dangerously misinformed sanctimommies a place to make all other moms feel like crap. These days, you can’t even Google “why does my baby want to vomit on me?” without being told by a stranger that you’re the real problem.

    Solution: Get the facts, leave the crazies to their craziness, and take a shower when you can.

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    Eating away at you

    Eating away at you This mommy loves judging how your baby eats, what your baby eats, and when your baby eats. Whether you aren’t breastfeeding enough or breastfeeding too long, giving your baby solids or not giving your baby solids soon enough, or horror of all horrors shutting your kid up with food that isn’t organic, this mommy will let you know what you’re doing wrong.

    Solution: Listen to your pediatrician, not this makings-of-an-eating-disorder mama.

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    The (wo)man in the mirror

    The (wo)man in the mirror Nothing ruins a day more than realizing that you were throwing your own sanctimommy vibes when you judged the happy, skinny mom talking about how awesome her natural birth was or the tired-looking woman stuffing her toddler’s happy face with fries. Don’t front. We’ve all been there.

    Solution: Check yourself before you wreck another mom’s day. We’ve all got our views on what might work for someone else, but unless you are asked to share yours, they’re best left private.

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Article Posted 5 years Ago

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