Google Glass: How Yet Another Gadget Will Change How You Parent NOT AT ALL

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Hey, kids! Pay no attention to the mom behind the glasses! The glasses have got you covered!

Remember when Blu-ray was going to change your life, somehow, some way? Remember potato chips with Olestra? Remember Windows Vista? How about the XFL? JaMarcus Russell? Most Tom Cruise movies released in the past decade?

Sometimes it seems the more overhyped a product, the more it’s just doomed to fail.

I mean, don’t take my word for it. I was the one way back when Tiger Woods was questioning whether to go pro or stay in college who secretly thought what a huge mistake it would be for him to put his education on hold.

That being said, I’m not buying into Google Glass. Literally or figuratively. I look at the video of what it can do on the website and all I can see is 30 years into the future, at which time we’ll look back on Glass like we look back now on parachute pants from the 1980s: Even when we wearing them (or you were, anyway), we kind of knew they were dorky and would be understandably short-lived because they just didn’t have a place in fashion or a necessary function in real life.

Trae Vassallo, who is one of the people behind the Glass initiative, wrote for about how this new invention is going to revolutionize parenting. Which is — again — amazing. Because for hundreds of years parents have been waiting for a pair of dorky-looking glasses to come along and change the way we raise our kids. Glass will kiss boo-boos! It will make the lunches! It will read bedtime stories!

Oh, wait. It will just provide a hands-free way for you to organize the stuff that isn’t so hard to do with your hands. And even though it’s hands-free, it’s not also idiot-free, meaning let’s just see you try and do that stuff hands-free and then do stuff with your hands at the same time. Maybe you’re a great multi-tasker, but I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if you can actually talk to a pair of glasses while simultaneously and successfully doing pretty much anything else.

Vassallo says another advantage of Glass is that “everyone under 18 notices” when she wears it. Which is amazing. Everyone under 18 also notices when I walk around with a plate of cupcakes, too. And then when they realize I’m not sharing them, they move on to the next thing. As far as I can tell, Glass is basically Siri that’s more awkwardly conspicuous. And while Vassallo argues it’s not a distraction, I’m going to go ahead and call BS on that, too. It seems like more of a distraction than an iPhone in that’s more efficient and therefore the temptation to use it constantly would be too great.

It’s one thing to have an imaginary friend always at your side when you’re 4. When you’re grown and you have an invisible buddy, it’s time to reevaluate what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Not everything in life requires a personal assistant. If you really don’t have enough time to make appointments without wearing a pair of techno glasses or take a picture of your kids with tip of your index finger, you might want to reevaluate whether having kids was something you actually could handle on your own in the first place.

I’m sure people will keep revolutionizing parenting, nay, life, with apps and gadgets. But there just comes a point where sometimes it’s more unruly to deal with the apps and gadgets and easier to actually just parent and live with fewer distractions.

Again — don’t take my word for it. Although these days even Tiger Woods is probably thinking it might have been nice to have a college degree to fall back on.

Photo credit: iStockphoto

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