We hear it all of the time, “keep the past in the past.” We are taught that dwelling on yesterday can be toxic for our relationships and to call it anything less than a hindrance to our relationship’s growth would be an understatement. But, sometimes revisiting the past can be a good thing. However, as with many things it all comes down to how you look at it.
I, for one, am a proponent of looking back. While I agree that dwelling on the past can cause problems within your relationship, particularly when it comes to holding onto past hurt and indiscretions, this isn’t always the case. Despite the fact that some people decide to keep a record of their spouse’s wrongs, falling into that seemingly natural tendency to focus on all that is wrong in their relationships instead of everything that is right, some of us can pull a host of positives from the past.
You see, it is when we look back that we are able to finally see just how far we have come. You are able to realize all the challenges that you and your partner overcame and oftentimes they serve as a reminder when the new challenges life always presents us with appear. Looking at the past shows you that you’ve got what it takes to withstand life’s storms. And apparently the past just might help you when it comes to your sex life.
According to an article by Your Tango, a trip down memory lane might result in a trip to the bedroom. Maya Ezratti, the article’s author, notes that couples can use nostalgia “to recreate that intense passion from the early stages of your relationship.” It is suggested looking at old mementos or reenacting your first date can heat things up a bit.
I understand that this is a little different form of revisiting the past but I personally think looking at how far you’ve come as a couple could also do the trick. Sometimes looking at our spouse just a little differently can change the dynamics of our relationship. What if we stopped seeing our spouse as the remote control hoarder and instead as the person who helped you get through the loss of a loved one, married you when in your eyes you didn’t really have much to offer and yet together you two somehow managed to make ends meet and keep the lights on, or who was committed enough to get counseling when you hit a rough patch? Perhaps you might have a deeper appreciation for them. Besides, there’s something sexy about strong men and women who are willing to do what it takes to make their relationships work don’t you think? Because marriage is work. Even wonderful beautiful things require work.
So by all means, revisit the place you first met and unpack the box of mementos tucked away in the closet. But don’t be afraid to revisit other parts of your past too. I’m not saying give your spouse a play by play of all the things he or she did wrong in your eyes. Instead focus on the fact that you two have got staying power. For some tips on how nostalgia can help your love life visit Your Tango.
What are your thoughts, do you think that there are times when bringing up the past can be good for your relationship?
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