The quiet, odd days between Christmas and the new year offer us all a chance to reflect and cultivate a sense of hope for coming months. But many of us will experience deep sadness during this process, mourning lost loved ones both deceased and otherwise cut from our lives. If you can’t seem to shake a difficult breakup or find yourself continually longing for an old relationship, try these tips for shifting the focus away from the past and back to you in the present:
1.) Take time for self-reflection.
The experts at YourTango recommend that you “ponder what you’re doing well with in love, what you can improve upon and the notable experiences that are scripting your love story. This process brings conscious awareness of where you’ve been, where you are and where you want to go.”
2.) Make conscious choices.
As in, don’t just call or text your ex because you can’t control yourself. Know that you can control yourself and your behavior. When I feel an urge to do something I’ll regret along these lines, I call a friend I know who won’t judge me for feeling weak. She’s like my sex and love sponsor that way. I’m not in a 12-step, but I love that idea. Ain’t no shame in phoning a friend!
3.) Find and live your passions.
Yes, throwing yourself into work can help alleviate your angst, especially if you really love your work, but it’s also good to take time for hobbies and other things you love. Being kind to yourself and doing things that nurture you is really important when you’re trying to get over any kind of heartbreak, even if it’s not romantic.
4.) Do the inner work.
The experts at YourTango say, “Work through and resolve unhealthy relationship patterns that have shown up in all of your relationships so that when you’re ready, you can create and maintain lasting love.” Yes, this can mean going to therapy. I’ve been in therapy for the last year-and-a-half and I love it. It’s helping me resolve the core issues I know have prevented me from finding a truly healthy relationship.
For more tips about how to stop longing for lost love, visit YourTango.
Photo credit: Flickr user Nastassia Davis