Little Black Dress Vodka: Alcohol for the Vagina, or the Really, Really StupidMeredith Carroll
If pink beer isn’t your thing (and not just because you’re in a recovery program) but you’re still looking for some alcohol-y beverage that isn’t a wine cooler and is made by people who really understand us girls, then you’re in luck.
There’s a new vodka that was “developed entirely by a team of savvy ladies,” according to a new liquor company (via Jezebel). The “fully female team” sat around in their panties, had a pillow fight, painted their nails, and created vodkas “they’d want to sip.”
It’s called Little Black Dress Vodka.
Of course it is.
Each flavor is essentially a “Sex in the City” character, and comes complete with a personality, er, description.
Carrie, or Blueberry Pomegranate: “Charismatic. Chatty. Outgoing. The fearless leader.”
Samantha, or Black Cherry Vanilla: “Savvy. Mischievous. Feisty charmer. Risqué in a good way.”
Charlotte, or Classic: Sophisticated. “Classy. Even-keeled. Up for anything.”
Miranda, or Pineapple Honey: “Sassy. Flirty. Happy-go-lucky. The girl next door.”
(To recap: Yes, they are anthropomorphizing vodka.)
What the makers of Little Black Dress Vodka failed to factor into this whole thing, however, is that “Sex and the City” went off the air eight years ago. We’ve moved on (I mean, did you see the box office take for the film’s sequel? We’ve really moved on). And most of us don’t want to sit around drinking vodka while braiding each others hair or twirling our vibrators. But, um, thanks for a beverage that will be perfect for us in case we change our minds.
What they also failed to factor in is that many women — or humans — don’t want to literally match their personalities with their adult beverages. Yes, certain types of people might drink Budweiser, and others might drink Johnny Walker Blue, but the manufacturers of those liquors don’t actually write the personality of their clientele on their bottles. Because that would be really dumb. Everyone but the makers of Little Black Dress Vodka seems to get that.
I’m guessing the vodka line is also an attempt to compete with the SkinnyGirl cocktail line since they “provide excellent flavors that wouldn’t require a lot of high calorie mixers.”
It’s also an attempt to fill a non-existing void. Although if you’re so dumb that you think this vodka will actually fill some kind of emptiness in your life that other vodkas failed to do (and if that’s the case, there are recovery programs for people like you), then this might actually be the drink for you. But please, don’t drive (before or after drinking the vodka).
What do you think? Are you intrigued enough to try this new vodka out, or is it something so stupid never going to pass your lips?