My Feelings on "Divorce is Not an Option"

I’ve talked to so many people, women mostly, who swear that “divorce is not an option” in their marriages. I usually just smile and offer the whole, “I think I know what you’re trying to say but I disagree with you nevertheless” head nod.

Personally, I believe divorce should always be an option.

I understand that no one goes into a marriage with the intention of getting divorced. Not one of us married people ever expects to spend heaping amounts of cash on lawyers, attend court hearings, co-parent, or painstakingly divide the modest empire we’ve created with our spouse. But sometimes marriages don’t work out. Sometimes two people have tried everything two people can do to salvage a relationship without success. Sometimes there’s just too much hurt and too much resentment without enough energy to go on.

Sometimes a marriage has run its course and it’s over. Sometimes divorce is the answer.

I know divorce as an option is something a lot of married people try to sweep under the rug but the practicality of forever is more than a little difficult to defend, even for romantics like me.

I like to believe that my husband and I are in a marriage because we want to be there. Bound by law, yes. Imprisoned, hardly.

I don’t believe divorce should be a trigger response to rough times, but when a sunset falls on a marriage it’s time to gather up the salvageable pieces of your heart and move forward.

From the moment I hit the decade mark on my marriage, I told my husband, “If our marriage didn’t last another day, I’d consider it a success.”  I’d still believe in marriage and I’d still believe in love. I’ve had both for far too long to doubt its power or place in my life. I went on to say, “Should the day ever come when you no longer want to be part of this marriage, I’d love you enough to let you go.” But don’t think for a moment it wouldn’t kill me.

My husband is mine but I don’t own him. And if I do own his heart it’s not by my doing.

I can’t control his desire to be my husband any more than he can control my love for him. These are feelings – deep feelings, but still feelings. Intangibles. Enigmas.

While I hope we remain laughing and bickering into our senior years, nothing is a guaranteed. 

Divorce should always be an option; marriage is a place two people should want to be.

 What are your thoughts on “Divorce is not an option”?

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