Well, not my kid and definitely not my sex tape. But Momlogic guest-blogger Margie (last name not given for fairly obvious reasons) says her tween daughter found her sex tape and watched it. Sure, kids need to learn about the birds and the bees, but not at age 9 via homemade instructional video starring Mom and Dad.
While the story seems fairly innocuous (Margie says she caught her daughter watching the tape, by accident, about 10-seconds in and stopped it immediately), I have to ask, what makes people want to make sex tapes to begin with??? Homemade porn is fodder for many a comedian, and while I’ve never talked about it on stage, the concept just blows my mind. (My sketch partners and I mock it in this remake of the Sophie B. Hawkins classic, I Wish You Were My Lover – NSFW.) Then again, I’m not really into the professional stuff, either. I’ve got a pretty vivid fantasy life, and if I wanted to see bad acting, I could just borrow my mother’s copy of All About Steve. (Fun fact: Sandra Bullock won the Oscar for Best Actress and the Razzie for Worst Actress in the same year.) Now there’s a woman who should probably be making sex tapes. But since she’s a parent, then again, maybe not. Let’s hope Sandra doesn’t end up like Margie, with a forgotten tape lying around. How do you explain to your adopted son that he’s seeing his would-have-been Dad making love to his Mom right before she caught him cheating with a woman who has a swastika tattooed on her face? Nazi face is inappropriate even for a sex tape. (Okay, I know. The swastika isn’t on her face. But the camera would probably be spending more time closer to where it actually is, anyway.)
Even though finding your Mom and Dad’s sex tape is a little weird, it sort of seems like the new, old-fashioned walking-in-on-the-‘rents-schtupping phenomenon, which is pretty common. According to Momlogic’s Jill Spivack, if your child walks in on you and your spouse in the buff, you should “ask your child kindly to wait outside the room, get dressed (whether you’re finished or not), and go out to have a little chat. If she has questions, you’ll want to explain to her in an age-appropriate manner that when mom and dads love each other, they show each other by hugging and holding each other in private. If they are older, and more curious, you could say Mommy and Daddy were having sex.” But if she wants to know why there was also a gaffer and key grip in the room, you’ve got a lot more explaining to do.
So who wants to fess up? Anybody been walked in on, or still scarred from seeing their parents doin’ it? Anybody ever make a sex tape? And if so, before or after having kids?