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Pregnancy FAILS: 21 Horrible Pregnancy Portraits and Belly Shots

Image Source: JessicaSimpson.com

I know not everyone will agree with me on this, but I have to say I find even the most artfully done pregnancy portraits totally, utterly, completely AWKWARD. You can thank (or let’s be real, blame) Demi Moore, Claudia Schiffer and¬†Britney Spears for the recent rise in everyday women taking photos of themselves half- or fully naked while pregnant. Even the recently released pic (left) of a pregnant Jessica Simpson in her “mummy” costume (get it?!) is just so … weird. ¬†Why are you making a sexy face, Jess? You’re covered in toilet paper! And kinda look like you have to poop. Why not smile, show that you’re happy to be pregnant? Or make a scary face for Halloween? Something!

Anyhoo … some of the solo belly shots I’ve seen are okay, especially if they focus just on the belly and not on the future mother wistfully looking off in the distance while cupping her rotund flesh with her swollen hands. But almost every partner shot I’ve ever seen is somewhat bizarre, especially those that feature a couple with booze, costumes/props and/or guns. So many guns …

Here are 25 of the weirdest, creepiest and most unsettling pregnancy portraits I could find. Enjoy?

1. Dreamy

Image Source: Awkward Family Photos

The last time we held each other like this I got pregnant.

2. Stop or I’ll Shoot!

Image Source: Funny or Die

Hopefully not the baby, though. This is so disturbing.

3. Oops!

Image Source: EpicFail.com

I don’t know how this happened! One day I was taking cute pics like this and posting them on MySpace, the next day someone was kicking me from inside.

4. Chug-a-lug!

Image Source: Belly Itch Blog

I think the intended math here is vodka + energy drink = relaxed enough to stay up all night with baby

5. Watercolor Wonder

Image Source: Wayne Wallace Photography

I can’t.

6. Family Tree

Image Source: Lauren Fitzgerald Photography

That night I stuck my Eiffel Tower in you, girl, I knew we’d be adding to our family tree.

7. Pregnant Bunny

Image Source: Oddball Daily

The sweats and bow tie? Priceless!

8. Pregnant Tree-t

Image Source: Awkward Family Photos

Dear sweet Baby Jesus. This is a little sappy, don’tchathink? Wah-wah!

9. Magic Mirror

Image Source: Awkward Family Photos

This creeps me out to no end. I wonder if after she had the baby she looked into that mirror and saw herself two years later covered in spit, poop, and peas.

10. Lady Godiva

Image Source: Funny or Die

I kinda wish the horse was pregnant, too. Then this would be velvet poster-worthy.

11. Gun Show!

Image Source: Funny or Die

For this chick, motherhood comes automatic. (Or at least semi-automatic.)

12. Pregnant Plank

Image Source: EpicFail

This isn’t what the doctor meant by bed rest.

13. Road Warrior

Image Source: Oddball Daily

Looks like these parents are already prepared to be tired.

14. Pregnant Piece

Image Source: Aubrey Hope Photography

See what I mean?

15. Fetal Position

Image Source: Awkward Family Photos

No words …

16. Double Trouble

Image Source: EpicFail

Oh dear ladies, you are so young. Stay in school.

17. Karate Chop

Image Source: Awkward Family Photos

Hi-ya, baby!

18. Spider Squat

Image Source: EpicFail

Awkward.

19. Beach Ball Baby

When I first saw this pic, I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Did this couple just find out they were pregnant and want to take shots before her belly grew? Then I read on Pregnant Chicken that these are adoptive parents and this is their version of the belly shot, and I thought, wow, that’s hilarious, brilliant and awesome. (But still weird.)

20. Grassy

Image Source: Oddball Daily

… and gassy, the way pregnancy should be.

21. No.

Image Source: Oddball Daily

Just, no.

Article Posted 7 years Ago

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