They Say: Caffeine IV Drip OK'd for Exhausted Parents

coffeeOK, that’s not EXACTLY what they say. But when I saw researchers are OKing coffee drinking because it will help stave off memory loss, I was thinking “hello caffeine drip, bye, bye mommy brain.”

Because four years into this parenting thing, I’m still having trouble finishing my sentences, finding my car keys and . . . wait, where’s the kid again?

As my daughter has grown, so has my caffeine dependency, which is now at a two-bottle a day threshold (diet Pepsi being my caffeinated drug of choice). Yes, I know that’s bad . . . but we all have our vices, people. And as someone who has never smoked, drinks only socially and doesn’t eat red meat, I’m entitled to one. So back off.

And hey, did you not notice the little headline up there? They just told parents everywhere that our dependency on caffeine is GOOD for us (at least a little good).

The study in question was conducted on mice (who have an amazing amount in common with parents . . . we also run through little mazes, only we call them playgrounds), and researchers found caffeine intake was linked directly to improved memory. The equivalent dosage (in human terms) to that given to the mice would be fourteen cups of tea, twenty sodas or two cups of very strong coffee.

The researchers still caution there can be negative side effects to caffeine . . . blah, blah, blah. But there can be negative side effects to falling asleep on the couch while your kids watch Sesame Street too . . . especially if they can reach the markers.
Image: Daily News
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