I’ve been looking for a babysitter. I’m using the Care.com website, combing through profiles of women in our city, checking out photos and qualifications.
My reaction to the super-cute gals hoping to be selected as caregiver to my children has surprised me.
I don’t want to hire them.
Truly, I am not the jealous type. In fact, I tend to check out women with my husband. Women are beautiful, and I am often attracted to them. I’ll nudge Serge at grocery stores if a pretty girl is in the vicinity. We even debate chests together. Real or fake? And for years I enjoyed watching women fawn over my husband as he worked it on stage with his band, Marah.
But that was before baby. Now? Well, I guess I don’t need a stone-cold hottie skulking around the house putting me to shame.
Shallow? Yes. But I’m still learning to love my thicker middle, stretch marks, and saggy mom tits and I don’t need a perky young thang bouncing around reminding me — or my husband — of how much times have changed.
When asked for a direct quote regarding how he would feel about hiring a smokin’ hottie to babysit our kids, my husband said he “prefers not to discriminate against anyone on the basis of looks” and would “absolutely hire a beautiful woman to babysit” and said he’d even “vet her himself.” Furthermore, Serge said he’d “totally be willing to pick her up and drop her off if she didn’t have her own transportation.”
When I mentioned I meant a hot male babysitter, he left the room.
I’m kidding about the conversation, of course, and I suppose I should just pull myself up by my bra straps and tell you, you generally judgmental internet strangers, why I really don’t want to hire a beautiful babysitter.
It’s just that, well, I know how easy it is for a seemingly respectable man to fall victim to the feminine form. Especially a much younger feminine form. I guess this is the part where I admit to you that when I was 19 years old, I slept with a married man. He was my boss. I babysat his kids.
He gave me the ol’ “I’m divorcing my wife, our marriage is already over” routine, but, looking back, I don’t know if that was really the case. What I mean is, I don’t know if he was already divorcing her before he met me or if meeting me and my eventual capitulation to his advances caused the demise of their marriage.
Either way, it was an unsavory business. One of the great regrets of my life. I eventually broke up with him, although he did ultimately divorce his wife. But I just wonder whether it’s good for a marriage to have a comely young lady hanging around all the time. Even if you completely trust your husband, well, guys like to look. I don’t think the looking would bother me so much as the thought that what the looking could lead to … I dunno.
Whatever the reasons, real or imagined, shallow or wise, during my online search for a babysitter I immediately eliminate the hotties. It’s not that I don’t trust Serge, I totally do. Maybe it’s the women, like my teenage self, I don’t trust. I know I’m making a sweeping generalization and eliminating a lot of very qualified babysitters, but, there it is.
What about you? Would you hire the woman in the photo above to babysit your kids? Why or why not?
You can also find Monica Bielanko on her personal blog, The Girl Who.
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